Men Of The Year 2019

The Free Beacon's 2019 Men of the Year awards will be revealed between December 24 and December 31.

2019 Men of the Year: Bourbon-Soaked Bulletproof Vest Testers

Every generation there are American men who push the boundaries of what's possible at great risk to themselves. Think Chuck Yeager smashing the sound barrier in 1947, or Donald Trump shattering the Great Blue Wall in 2016. In 2019, we now know that bulletproof vests are capable of stopping five shots to the back thanks to Christopher Hicks, Charles Ferris, and numerous bottles of alcohol.

2019 Man of the Year: Russell Crowe

Russell CroweHollywood beauty standards are outrageous with insurmountable pressure on men, who are expected to remain slender or have their physiques compared to the late, great actor John Candy. Rapper Kanye West has gotten liposuction, even after his mom died during cosmetic surgery. Singer Kenny Rogers is unrecognizable from his facelift. One bearded crusader is sacrificing his health and rising against these standards. This fearless man is choosing to love himself, since no one else will, and to free the entire oppressed male gender by not conforming.

2019 Man of the Year: Blossom C. Brown

The phrase "man up" has been the source of some controversy of late, given the pervading "wokeness" of our modern age. Nevertheless, the English language does not yet posses a better combination of words to describe the heroic actions of 2019 Washington Free Beacon Man of the Year Blossom C. Brown, the Hollywood actor who staged one of the most courageous protests against mainstream media bias in recent memory.

2019 Man of the Year: Donald Trump Jr.

Perhaps the most common tragedy to befall the great men of history is the inability of their wives, girlfriends, or mistresses to produce a male heir worthy of carrying on their name. There are, of course, some notable exceptions. Barbara Bush gave us George W., and changed the course of history for the better. In all likelihood, the same will soon be said about Ivana Trump, who in 1977 delivered unto this earth a child who would become one of the most promising political and literary talents of his generation, and a 2019 Washington Free Beacon Man of the Year.

2019 Man of the Year: Thomas Cuthbert

During the D-Day invasion, Thomas Cuthbert was an 18-year-old British soldier serving on a landing barge oiler off Utah and Omaha beaches. Luckily he made it through the war and survived the bombings. Only now at age 93 has he finally been struck by a bombshell—Melania Trump.

2019 Man of the Year: Max Boot

Max BootErnest Hemingway defined courage as grace under pressure. One might think a terrorist detonating a suicide vest with his children in tow rather than facing sweet American justice did not live up to Hemingway's description.

2019 Man of the Year: Henry Harold ‘Hal’ Hager

The most successful and charismatic member of the Bush political dynasty finally welcomed a male heir into the world in 2019. George W. Bush, the greatest living former president and painter of considerable talent, celebrated the birth of his first grandson in August. For obvious reasons, this grandson is a 2019 Washington Free Beacon Man of the Year.

2019 Man of the Year: R9X Ninja Missile

In February 2017, a U.S. drone strike killed al Qaeda leader Abu al-Khair al-Masri as he drove through northwestern Syria. Photos of al-Masri's Mitsubishi confused experts. The drone fired a missile. The missile killed the terrorist. The vehicle did not explode.

2019 Man of the Year: Kellyanne Conway’s Husband

Did your wife catch you ogling a bit too long at Kate Upton's latest Instagram post? Or maybe got a bit upset after she found you passed out drunk on the couch this morning after saying you'd be right home to clean out the gutters? Are you taking heat because she noticed a credit card charge at the local titty bar from that day you said you were stuck working late at the office?

2019 Man of the Year: Billionaires

America's first self-made billionaire president, Donald J. Trump, has presided over one of the most formidable economic expansions in history. Trump's contribution to America prosperity rivals that of any U.S. president. George Washington, a mere half-billionaire, is a footnote by comparison. Abraham Lincoln was a decent leader, but the opposition and obstruction he endured at the hands of the Democrat Party pales in comparison to what their modern day counterparts have inflicted upon our innocent commander in chief.

2019 Men of the Year: London Commuters

Social scientists have long been fascinated by the "bystander effect," in which ordinary people remain idle as evil deeds are done. A group of brave commuters at London's Canning Town station showed that the opposite can happen: that everyday people can take swift heroic action when terrorists attempt to disrupt our way of life.

2019 Man of the Year: Quentin Tarantino

Quentin TarantinoWe live in an age where the Chinese marketplace—and Chinese censors—dictate what our movie studios make. Big budget spectacle heavy on the CGI: that's the order of the day. And don't you dare cross Beijing's authoritarian censors, because it could cost you tens of millions. 

2019 Men of the Year: Women’s World Cup HABs (Husbands and Boyfriends)

Notwithstanding former president Barack H. Obama's best efforts to undermine the greatness of the United States, 2019 was a banner year for American athletics under President Donald J. Trump. U.S. national teams even managed to find success in soccer, by far the most anti-American sport in existence, given its propensity for low scores and egregious tolerance for dramatic whining.