Nickname(s): Pocahontas, Slithers with Snakes, Professor Paleface, Senator Karen
Occupation: U.S. Senator from Massachusetts
Racial background: 99.9% Caucasian, 0.1% Native American
Racial accolades: “First woman of color” on Harvard Law School faculty
Accomplishments: Contributed plagiarized French recipes to the Pow Wow Chow cookbook in 1984, made a lot of money flipping foreclosed houses she bought from vulnerable Americans, and was the subject of the worst rap song ever written.
Hates freedom? Absolutely.
Why/how? She opposes school choice, but sent her son to a private school. In 2019, Warren announced her $1.3 trillion “free college” plan on April 22, which happens to be the birthday of Vladimir Ilyich Lenin, founding father of Soviet communism.
Claim to shame: “The Elizabeth Warren Effect,” a phrase coined by racial experts after the U.S. Census Bureau recorded a significant uptick in the number of individuals identifying as white and Native American over the past decade.
Fun fact: Warren thinks she would have won the 2020 presidential election if she “had a penis.”
What’s next? Becoming a transgender man and testing that hypothesis.