Pocahontas: If I 'Had a Penis' I'd Be President

Elizabeth Warren slams disgusting misogyny of Democratic voters

August 12, 2022

I could mine the finest minerals,
Conferrin' with my generals,
A closet bolshevik;
The rubes would all respect me
In four years they'd reelect me
If I only had a dick.

I'd be more than just a token
Of misogyny unspoken,
The carrot and the stick;
I would dance and be merry
I'd be scrappy, I'd be scary, 
If I only had a dick.

Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D., Mass.) would probably have won the 2020 Democratic primary—and presumably the general election as well—if Democratic voters weren't a bunch of disgusting misogynists, the failed candidate told an NBC News correspondent following her third-place finish in the Iowa caucus.

"Everyone comes up to me and says, 'I would vote for you, if you had a penis,'" Warren vented to Ali Vitali, who recounts the previously unreported conversation in her forthcoming book, Electable: Why America Hasn't Put a Woman in the White House … Yet.

That is a rather stunning attack on the integrity of Democratic primary voters, but it's not the first time a candidate has blamed sexist Democrats for their failure to win an election. Hillary Clinton argued that "misogyny and sexism" were "contributing factors" in her humiliating defeat to Donald Trump. She has also claimed (without evidence) that Russian hackers rigged the 2016 election.

Yet even Hillary, widely viewed as one of the most corrupt and dishonest politicians of her generation, would never claim that "everyone" wanted to vote for her but couldn't because she was a woman. Warren also has a long history of distorting the truth for political gain. Most notably, she lied about being Native American. (That's why many people still refer to her as "Pocahontas.") Warren also claimed she was fired as a public school teacher for being pregnant, a story contradicted by county records obtained by the Washington Free Beacon.

The excerpt from Vitali's book, published by POLITICO, also included a quote that perfectly illustrated the mindset of Warren supporters. Vitali recounts a pre-caucus event in Cedar Rapids where "a white man with graying hair" walked up to the microphone and asked the following question: "How do you convince white men—who aren't as smart as me—how do you convince those white men over 50 that Elizabeth Warren's the candidate?"

As it turns out, the Democrats who voted for Warren were overwhelmingly white and members of the overeducated professional class who tend to view themselves as morally and intellectually superior compared with the unwashed masses. They loved Warren because she reminded them of themselves and were "somewhat baffled" that most Democrats did not share their affection for the former Harvard professor. She won just 5 percent of black voters in the South Carolina primary, where she performed best among "very liberal" voters aged 30-44 who never attend religious services.

Penis or not, Elizabeth Warren will never be president.