Peter: What would you do if you had a million dollars?
Lawrence: I’ll tell you what I’d do man, two chicks at the same time, man.
Twenty years after that famous scene from Office Space, NFL superstar Le’Veon Bell found himself with "about a million dollars," and two chicks decided to do him.
In June, Bell made a frantic 911 call to report that he was the victim of a heartless robbery. After he was forced to take a year off football to receive fair pay, guests at his home attempted to steal his hard-earned belongings.
In lieu of recounting the play-by-play of the tragic events, we present you the unedited transcript of the now infamous emergency phone call.
9-11 OPERATOR: Tell me exactly what happened.
LE’VEON BELL: Umm… well, I had two girls at my house and I got up to do my normal routine to go workout, so I left to workout for a couple hours and when I came back, they took my money, my watch, my jewelry, umm, and a couple more things of value out of my house. I don’t know where they at. And I tried to call them before I call you guys, I tried to call them and, uh, and they’re not answering me, and are ignoring me.
OPERATOR: When did this happen?
BELL: This happened today.
OPERATOR: What all did you say was taken? I know you said money…
BELL: So, money. My jewelry and other things of value like clothes, shoes, you know, just like other things of value around the house, like uh, things that I use, you know what I’m saying.
BELL: Really, clothes, shoes, money…
OPERATOR: What is the total estimated value of the items?
BELL: Oh… like a million dollars.
OPERATOR: Since you’ve said that you know the girls who did this, I need to get their description. Are they white, black, or Hispanic?
BELL: The girls, uh, one is mixed, they are both mixed.
OPERATOR: If an officer were to drive by would they look more white, black, or Hispanic?
BELL: Well, one would look more black and the other would look more Hispanic.
OPERATOR: OK, the one that looks more black, how old is she?
OPERATOR: What was she wearing today?
BELL: I mean, when I left, she was in the bed, not wearing clothes when I left, so I didn’t see what she was in.
OPERATOR: And the other one, you said she was more Hispanic, is that correct?
BELL: She looked more like white or Hispanic, yes.
OPERATOR: OK, how old is she?
BELL: She’s twenty... one.
OPERATOR: And what was she seen last wearing today?
BELL: The same way. She was in the bed too. They didn’t have clothes on.
OPERATOR: Oh, OK.
For having a million dollars and living out his wildest fantasy, the Free Beacon is proud to call Le’Veon Bell a 2019 Man of the Year.