Culture

2019 Man of the Year: Le’Veon Bell

Getty Images

Peter: What would you do if you had a million dollars?

Lawrence: I’ll tell you what I’d do man, two chicks at the same time, man.

Office Space, 1999

Twenty years after that famous scene from Office Space, NFL superstar Le’Veon Bell found himself with "about a million dollars," and two chicks decided to do him.

In June, Bell made a frantic 911 call to report that he was the victim of a heartless robbery. After he was forced to take a year off football to receive fair pay, guests at his home attempted to steal his hard-earned belongings.

In lieu of recounting the play-by-play of the tragic events, we present you the unedited transcript of the now infamous emergency phone call.

9-11 OPERATOR: Tell me exactly what happened.

LE’VEON BELL: Umm… well, I had two girls at my house and I got up to do my normal routine to go workout, so I left to workout for a couple hours and when I came back, they took my money, my watch, my jewelry, umm, and a couple more things of value out of my house. I don’t know where they at. And I tried to call them before I call you guys, I tried to call them and, uh, and they’re not answering me, and are ignoring me.

OPERATOR: When did this happen?

BELL: This happened today.

OPERATOR: What all did you say was taken? I know you said money…

BELL: So, money. My jewelry and other things of value like clothes, shoes, you know, just like other things of value around the house, like uh, things that I use, you know what I’m saying.

OPERATOR: OK…

BELL: Really, clothes, shoes, money…

OPERATOR: What is the total estimated value of the items?

BELL: Oh… like a million dollars.

OPERATOR: Since you’ve said that you know the girls who did this, I need to get their description. Are they white, black, or Hispanic?

BELL: The girls, uh, one is mixed, they are both mixed.

OPERATOR: If an officer were to drive by would they look more white, black, or Hispanic?

BELL: Well, one would look more black and the other would look more Hispanic.

OPERATOR: OK, the one that looks more black, how old is she?

BELL: Twenty-three.

OPERATOR: What was she wearing today?

BELL: I mean, when I left, she was in the bed, not wearing clothes when I left, so I didn’t see what she was in.

OPERATOR: And the other one, you said she was more Hispanic, is that correct?

BELL: She looked more like white or Hispanic, yes.

OPERATOR: OK, how old is she?

BELL: She’s twenty... one.

OPERATOR: And what was she seen last wearing today?

BELL: The same way. She was in the bed too. They didn’t have clothes on.

OPERATOR: Oh, OK.

For having a million dollars and living out his wildest fantasy, the Free Beacon is proud to call Le’Veon Bell a 2019 Man of the Year.