Trans Nerd Amy Schneider Throws Baseball Better Than Barack Obama, Analysis Finds

Celebrity author and former president was a notoriously bad athlete

June 17, 2022

Amy Schneider, the Jeopardy! champion who along with college swimmer Lia Thomas helped prove that women born as men are smarter and more athletically gifted than women born as women, is feuding with Fox Sports after the network declined to air footage of Schneider throwing out the first pitch at the Giants vs. Dodgers game on "Pride Day" over the weekend.

In fact, sports networks rarely broadcast the first pitch because no one cares. The Washington Free Beacon, however, is committed to celebrating diversity and inclusion. We believe Schneider's performance at Oracle Park in San Francisco—just days after the filth-riddled city's residents voted to recall disgraced District Attorney Chesa Boudin—deserves to be recognized by a semi-respectable media outlet.

A Free Beacon analysis has determined that Schneider is one among the vast majority of Americans who can throw a baseball better than Barack Obama, the celebrity author and former president of the United States. Despite spending an excessive amount of his time in office weighing in on sporting events, Obama repeatedly revealed himself to be an extraordinarily bad athlete with atrocious form and throwing mechanics. Schneider's form was exemplary in comparison, although that's not saying much.

Obama threw out the ceremonial first pitch before an MLB game on two occasions during his presidency—in 2009 before the All-Star game in St. Louis and on Opening Day at Nationals Park in 2010. Neither of his attempted throws came close to the strike zone. A Free Beacon analysis concluded that Schneider's pitch was not very impressive, but still significantly better than Obama's failed efforts.

The most impressive first pitch in American history was performed by Greatest Living President George W. Bush before Game 3 of the World Series in October 2001, several weeks after the September 11 terrorist attacks. Dubya single-handedly healed our wounded nation by launching a heater right down the middle like a total stud.