Satire

Opinion: Get Over COVID

You people have no idea how good you have it. I wish we had your bat-virus in the 1350s. At the time, I was a construction worker in Kaffa. Life had its pleasures. I got to eat noodles and occasionally soup. Sometimes I would picnic at the Black Sea. There were feasts. And who doesn't love a good joust? I had dreams of becoming the first in my family to live 30 years. Only 6 of my 11 kids had died from yellow fever. My hunchback was unsightly, but relatively painless. That was "privilege" in my day.

As World Struggles to Contain COVID-19, Malaysia Offers Bold Solutions

The coronavirus pandemic may have started in China, but its effects are being felt the world over. Authorities struggling to contain the virus have proposed a variety of solutions aimed at preventing its spread. But while many governments have confined citizens to their homes during the crisis, few have offered guidance on how to behave in quarantine.

ANALYSIS: The Journos Are Out of Control

Only Trump can save us from the media pandemic

The China-caused coronavirus is sweeping the globe, and America's journalists are losing their minds. In fact, they are dangerously out of control, according to the results of a Washington Free Beacon analysis.

TRANSCRIPT: Trump Demands New Biden Investigation in Call with Ukrainian President

'His brain is not functioning. He’s getting attacked by vegans. His words don’t even make sense'

President Donald J. Trump renewed his demand for an investigation into Democratic frontrunner Joe Biden during an early morning phone call with Ukrainian president Volodymyr Zelensky on Wednesday, according to a transcript obtained exclusively by the Washington Free Beacon.