Satire

Kamala Harris Accosts Children in Iowa: ‘Why Aren’t You In School?’

Meanwhile, celebrity truant Greta Thunberg continues to elude justice

Kamala "5-0" Harris is up to her old tricks. The former attorney general of California, who ruled with an iron fist over the parents of truant schoolchildren, has reportedly been roaming the streets of Iowa and accosting children whom she suspects of playing hooky.

Hillary Clinton Picks Up First 2020 Endorsement

Hillary Clinton's prospects for a historic political comeback continue to improve. The former public-speaking magnate, who has not formally declared her candidacy in the 2020 Democratic primary, picked up her first major endorsement on Tuesday.

Amy Klobuchar, Bird Murderer

First Democratic candidate to embrace controversial Obama legacy

Senator Amy Klobuchar (D., Minn.) has long struggled to contain the blinding rage that burns beneath her "Minnesota nice" fa├žade. She is prone to "dehumanizing" outbursts of violence, usually directed at vulnerable staff members who are often left in tears, nursing binder wounds, or holding a disgusting salad comb.

ANALYSIS: Do Pedestrian Lives Matter?

Arlington, VA police needlessly coddle reckless walkers

Pedestrians. How does one measure their worth to society? There are myriad ways. The most straightforward method, common sense, would recommend a low value to these urban villains who recklessly imperil the lives of hardworking, taxpaying motor-vehicle operators from sea to shining sea.

LOCK HER UP: Celebrity Truant Greta Thunberg Makes a Mockery of Hardworking Schoolchildren

Where have you gone, Kamala Harris? A nation turns its lonely eyes to you

Failed Democratic presidential candidate Sen. Kamala Harris made a name for herself in California politics in part by "getting tough on truancy," in her words. In 2011, she endorsed a controversial state law that led to the arrest and prosecution of parents whose children missed too many school days. Criminals had every reason to fear the heavy sword of justice, wielded as it was with ruthless precision by the former attorney general.

Beto’s Beta Bod No Match for Mayor Beast’s Physique

John Delaney leads swoll poll

The campaign trail can wreak havoc on the human body. Just ask Hillary Clinton, who often struggled to go 24 hours without a major fall, coughing fit, or other miscellaneous health scares. Even younger candidates have trouble maintaining a healthy physique, some more than others.

Good News for Hillary Clinton 2020

Inevitable?

The Democratic primary is a three-way race, at least among declared candidates. There is one battle-tested candidate still on the sidelines who could enter the race at any time and wrest her party's nomination from the likes of former vice president Joe Biden, Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D., Mass.), or Sen. Bernie Sanders (I., Vt.). Her name is Hillary Rodham Clinton.