Satire

John Kerry Finally Accomplishes Something

Failed politician and Big Ketchup spouse wins sailboat race around Martha's Vineyard

John Kerry, the failed Democratic politician and Big Ketchup spouse who negotiated the Obama administration's Iran reparations package, finally accomplished something. The billionaire (by marriage) captained the Lark, a 45-foot Alden gaff cutter built in 1932, to a first-place finish in the Edgartown Yacht Club’s Round the Island race over the weekend.

CNN Race Team, Assemble!

CNN is launching a "new and expanded race team" in an effort to "ensure race coverage is a permanent part of our journalism," according to a statement from network president Jeff Zucker, who is best known for signing Donald Trump to host The Apprentice on NBC.

Cancel Carl Reiner (RIP)

Fans of the arcane humor-centric concept of "comedy," which for decades promoted violence and impaired the cause of social justice by prioritizing laughter, are mourning the loss of legendary "comedian" and filmmaker Carl Reiner, who died Monday at the age of 98.