Biff Diddle

Introducing the Clinton Project

Fighting to restore the era of Democratic politics when crime and welfare were frowned upon, but banging interns wasn't

Joe Biden and the Democratic Party used to stand for American values. As a U.S. senator in the mid-1990s, he worked across the aisle to solve the country's under-incarceration problem. Years later, he voted against impeaching President Bill Clinton for hooking up with his intern and lying about it, because honestly who cares?

The Conservative Case for a Coup

Real authoritarianism has never been tried in America

Decadence is a helluva drug, and America is addicted. That includes you, dear reader, and everyone you know. Irredeemably possessed of self-infatuation. Pining for the perfect tweet. Smothered in selfie filters. Hanging brain on conference calls. Emotionally invested in "elections" and their "results." Who "won" this time? Who cares? It's time for an intervention.

Good Riddance, Bonny Sunch

Good morning. In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world. And you will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind. “Mankind.” That word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can’t be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps it’s fate that today is the Fourth of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom — not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution, but from annihilation. We are fighting for our right to live. To exist. And should we win the day, the Fourth of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day the world declared in one voice: “We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight! We’re going to live on! We’re going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence Day!”