HELP WANTED: Free Beacon Seeks Experienced Communications Professional with Cable News Background

Help wanted: The Washington Free Beacon is accepting applications for the role of Senior Vice President of Strategic Communications.

About the job: The purpose of the role is to develop and implement a communications strategy that endeavors to 1) Publicly humiliate Free Beacon editor in chief Eliana Johnson by, for example, letting a journalist accompany her to a personal training session or Botox appointment, 2) Foment sophomoric angst among Free Beacon employees, and 3) Create an untenable status quo that forces Johnson to step down in disgrace.

Required qualifications:

• At least 11 years experience as head of strategic communications at a mid-tier cable news network such as CNN

• A demonstrated disdain and disregard for conventional journalist practices

• Must love dogs (and manspreading)

• Must have solid industry connections

• Must love America

• Must have bold fashion sense

• Must be willing to go topless

Preferred qualifications:

• Previous experience facilitating the forced exit of a chief executive at a major media company

• Previous experience being defended by former CNN employee Brian Stelter

• Proficient in Microsoft Excel

• Ability to execute flawless "raised leg" pose in a variety of settings

About the Washington Free Beacon: The Washington Free Beacon is a woman-led (for now) neoconservative war blog based in the United States of America. Our reporting has been denounced in a variety of esteemed publications including the New York Times, Washington Post, Chicago Tribune, the New Republic, the Economist, the Atlantic, Reader's Digest, Popular Mechanics, National Geographic, Architectural Digest, Better Homes & Gardens, Teen Vogue, PlaygirlCat Fancy, Inspire, and many others.

How to apply: Pay the $2,375 application fee then send résumé, cover letter, head shot, full-body shot, Social Security number, and two dozen original haikus to Good luck!

Published under: CNN , Satire