How To Watch the Eclipse Without Looking Like a Total Dork

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April 8, 2024

Everyone is talking about the solar eclipse that's going to happen later this afternoon. This rare event, which occurs when the moon passes directly in front of the sun for several minutes, will be visible to millions of Americans.

Liberal journalists are particularly excited about the eclipse because it's an opportunity to do what they love most: telling their fellow Americans what to do. They have published numerous articles explaining "how to watch the solar eclipse" that typically involve safety goggles or other homemade protective gear that definitely make you look like a total dork. They cite a bunch of so-called experts who insist "it is not safe to look directly at the Sun without specialized eye protection for solar viewing."

If you're tired of listening to liberal journalists and "scientific experts" telling you how to behave, you've come to the right place. Don't listen to their left-wing corporate propaganda. The Washington Free Beacon has you covered. Our simple guide for how to watch the solar eclipse (without looking like a total dork) has just three steps, inspired by former and soon-to-be president Donald J. Trump:

1. Love America.

2. Stand next to a beautiful woman.

3. Enjoy!