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2021 Man of the Year: Texas Teen Who ‘Rolled Coal’ on Cyclists

• December 30, 2021 1:00 pm

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Everyone wants to be a hero. Most of us dream, for example, about imposing citizen justice upon the loathsome gangs of cyclists who hog our roads and assault our senses with their garish leotards. Very few have the courage to do what it takes. The anonymous Texas teenager who in late September dared to confront an entire phalanx of pedal pushers is more than a hero. He's a Free Beacon Man of the Year.

According to the Houston Chronicle, the teenaged motorist and his Ford F-250 Super Duty were forced to defend themselves after being hassled by a group of "eight cyclists training for the Ironman Triathlon," which is just a polite way of saying, "eight belligerent psychopaths who hate America."

The frightened teen and his American-made pickup attempted to deescalate the situation by "rolling coal." A popular defensive countermeasure, "rolling coal" is often used to disorient cyclists and prevent them from swarming by blasting them with thick, dark clouds of diesel exhaust. When that failed to subdue the obnoxious psychopaths, the teen and his truck panicked. Fearing for their lives, the duo inadvertently plowed through six of the eight cyclists.

The Chronicle described the ensuing wreckage as "mangled bicycles strewn about the grassy right of way adjacent to the road." A gratifying image, to be sure, but it's worth noting the collision also caused "heavy damage" to the front end of the teenager's pickup, which is regrettable. The anonymous teen was not arrested after the incident, despite incessant whining from the cyclists. For several days it appeared as though justice would prevail.

Alas, that turned out not to be the case when Waller County prosecutors filed charges against the innocent driver in early November. Perhaps that outcome was inevitable. Big Bicycle has a long track record of imposing its will by bullying elected officials, especially at the local level.

Our thoughts and prayers go out to the young man, his truck, and his family as justice takes its course. May he take comfort in the fact that Free Beacon Men of the Year have an equally long track record of being acquitted by sensible juries—because they haven't done anything wrong.

Published under: Men of the Year