Hillary Clinton Picks Up First 2020 Endorsement

October 8, 2019

Hillary Clinton's prospects for a historic political comeback continue to improve. The former public-speaking magnate, who has not formally declared her candidacy in the 2020 Democratic primary, picked up her first major endorsement on Tuesday.

"I think that Crooked Hillary should enter the race to try and steal it away from Uber Left Elizabeth Warren," President Donald J. Trump wrote magnanimously about his former political opponent on Twitter, the popular social networking website.

The endorsement is just the latest in a series of positive developments for the struggling author and politician best known for trying to prevent the election of America's first black president in 2008. Bernie Sanders's recent health struggles, along with Joe Biden's cognitive dysentery, have provided an opening for Hillary to enter the race as a relatively healthy alternative, her own struggles notwithstanding.

Science, meanwhile, continues to produce technological breakthroughs that could enhance Hillary's ability to mount a third presidential run by bolstering her notoriously weak stamina. Chair pants, for example:

2019 has been a great year thus far for failed favorites in search of redemptions. Tiger Woods ended his "Obama drought" by winning the Masters, his first major championship since 2008. The University of Virginia men's basketball team won the NCAA tournament after becoming the first top-seeded team to lose in the first round the previous year.

Everything's coming up Hillary. Are you ready?

UPDATE: She's tempted.