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CAUGHT ON TAPE: World Leaders Marvel at Trump’s Stamina

Middling heads of state admire the length of POTUS's press conference in candid video


A group of world leaders representing the meager dregs of the old European empires were caught on video Tuesday evening discussing their admiration for President Donald J. Trump's legendary stamina.

The War on Christmas Is Over, and America Won

Melania Trump declares victory, ownership of libs


For just the third time since 2009, the Christmas holiday is alive and well in America. Our exquisite first lady, Melania Trump, declared late Sunday that this year's Christmas decorations at the White House would be infused with "The Spirit of America."

Vegan Booker Evasive on Turkey Pardons, Asylum

Campaign dodges 'tough questions' about whether candidate would pardon all U.S. turkeys as president


Sen. Cory Booker (D., N.J.), a middling candidate for president in the 2020 Democratic primary, is that guy. When the New York Times asks the Democratic candidates about their favorite "comfort food," Booker said "veggies" like a total vegan—which he is, in addition to being bald, and disconcertingly jovial.

Oregon Authorities on the Hunt for Bald Eagle Murder Suspect

Barack H. Obama, notorious bird-genocide advocate, continues to elude justice


Authorities in Oregon are offering a $2,500 reward in an effort to identify the individual(s) responsible for the death of a protected bald eagle after the bird's carcass was found face down in a creek earlier this month.

I Am Part of the Resistance Inside the New York Times


Since Donald Trump won the 2016 election, America’s paper of record has become a house organ for his resistance. Pet issues like polyamory have received too much attention, while important issues like Hunter Biden's corruption have received scant follow up.

Impeachment Hearings Produce Shocking Evidence of Moral Corruption

Bombshell document suggests Washington, D.C., a cesspool of bitter libs


Impeachment hearings taking place on Capitol Hill on Wednesday produced shocking evidence of moral corruption in the nation's capital. A number of Twitter users expressed dismay after a bombshell document related to the House impeachment inquiry was posted on the popular social networking website.

GREAT AGAIN: Nationals Become 2nd DC Sports Franchise to Win Title on Trump’s Watch


The Washington Nationals on Wednesday night defeated the Houston Astros to win the World Series and become the second Washington, D.C., sports franchise to win a title on President Donald J. Trump's watch. The team's victory marks yet another accomplishment for Trump that his predecessor, Barack H. Obama, was never able to achieve in his eight years of failed leadership.

Nationals Enjoy Delayed ‘Trump Bump’ in Real America

POTUS delivers crucial win to ungrateful fanbase


President Donald J. Trump delivered a crucial win for the Washington Nationals in game six of the World Series on Tuesday, a delayed result of his appearance at Nationals Park in game five, where he was callously booed by a crowd of Beltway lobbyists upset over his recent assassination of ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi.

Nationals Lose After Fans Boo Historically Successful President and Terrorist Assassin

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi is dead and so are the Nats' chances of ever winning a title


The Washington Nationals lost a third consecutive World Series home game on Sunday in front of a sellout crowd of lobbyists and political consultants, a defeat that all but obliterates the team's hopes of lifting the Commissioner's Trophy and bringing a sliver of joy to the dreary lives of Washington, D.C., residents.