SHE SHALL PERSIST: Here’s How Hillary Clinton Will Become President In 2017

Hillary Clinton

Donald Trump’s impeachment is imminent, and the majority of his cabinet is implicated in his treason. Hillary Clinton was supposed to be our president in 2017. It was her turn. She won the popular vote, but lost the rigged election because of Russia. Fortunately, there’s a good chance that Hillary will be sworn in as president before …

TRIGGER WARNING: Trump’s ‘Witch Hunt’ Claim Offends Accused Witches

More than a dozen women and men accused of witchcraft in this sleepy New England village are criticizing President Donald Trump for saying the current investigation of possible ties between his campaign and the Russian government is “the greatest witch hunt of a politician in American history!”

Free Beacon Fan Fiction: Hillary Clinton Detained, Trump Declares ‘Promise Kept’ in Fabulous Rose Garden Ceremony

CHAPPAQUA — Hillary Clinton surrendered to federal authorities on Tuesday after a nine-hour standoff involving a series of tense negotiations and a brief exchange of gunfire with Kazakh mercenaries. The former secretary of state was transferred to a federal prison facility in Cumberland, Md., where she will await trial on charges of corruption, racketeering, treason, voter fraud, planning the Benghazi attack, associating with perverts, and disseminating “fake news.”

FLASHFORWARD: Hillary Clinton Announces 2020 Presidential Run

Let’s face it, Hillary Clinton is probably going to run for president again in 2020, if for no other reason than to drive up her speaking fees and lay the groundwork for publication of her next memoir. Someone has to pay the bills in that family, and Chelsea needs to focus on running for Congress, or …

OPINION: Kate Upton Might Not Be Perfect

EDITORS’ NOTE: This column by the disgraced former journalist Andrew Stiles originally appeared in the May 2017 issue of War Fancy magazine, the Free Beacon’s monthly print publication and the official magazine of the Backyard Axe Throwing League. Over the weekend, hundreds of subscribers wrote letters, sent emails, and posted on social media to express their …

5 Huma Abedin Classics You Won’t Want to Miss

When it was reported recently that Huma Abedin was seeking $2 million for a book advance, you probably didn’t realize that she was already a major author with five well-reviewed titles to her credit. While none of us can wait for the next one, here are some paperbacks to tide you over in the meantime.* How to …

Vanity Fair Is Right: Hillary Clinton’s Style Is Getting Bolder and Edgier

Tough. Fearless. Defiant. Zany. Uncompromising. Inspired. These are among the many adjectives that come to mind when we try to describe Hillary Clinton’s fashion sense over the years. As Vanity Fair puts it in a great piece about her new post-presidential look: In the months since the election, Clinton has emerged anew from the woods and is …

The Rabbit and the Demon; or, How Nestlé Came to Rosslyn

It was reported yesterday that the American arm of Nestlé would be moving its headquarters from Glendale, California, to the distinctly untrendy Rosslyn neighborhood of Arlington, Virginia, where Washington Free Beacon Tower is located. The announcement was made by none other than Gov. Terry McAuliffe, who told us a few weeks ago that anti-abortion legislation is “socially divisive” and bad for business. I like to imagine how the deal went down.