What happened: USA Today published a ridiculous (albeit unsurprising) story about how Hunter Biden's "foibles" have "provided ammunition" for Republicans eager to pounce and seize on President Joe Biden ahead of the 2024 election season.
What happened next: I asked an AI bot to read the USA Today story and 999 others like it and to write a story based on what it learned. This was the result:
Biden Boy Whoopsies Nourish GOP Anger Parade
WASHINGTON—Hunter Biden, the adult boy of devoted father President Joe Biden, is unemployed by the government. He is not a candidate for office.
Nevertheless, the first son's legal imperfections and nonconformist lifestyle have incited Republican seizures ahead of the 2024 presidential campaign that will determine the fate of American democracy.
"Republicans are scrutinizing the Biden child unfairly in order to demonize a father's love," said the knowledgable expert whose book, American Cretin: Trump Is Bad, revealed important opinions about politics.
Joe Biden, a working-class Irish Catholic nice guy, speaks often about the importance of family. Republicans, meanwhile, have invaded his privacy by asking questions about his family matters that are private. It's not fair, said the Biden donor at obscure advocacy group.
"From Daytona Beach to Donetsk Oblast, liberal democracy under threat from GOP allies and their anti-trans, pro-slavery agenda," mused Dr. Pelvin Gromp, assistant strategic consultant for the Empowering Equity Initiate.
Hunter Biden's personal and very private faux pas—including but not limited to habitual medication, ambitious romance, accidental procreation, international renumeration, and creative taxpaying—are sensational grist for the anti-Biden agitators who pounced.
Republican claims are unverified, based on little more than texts, emails, financial records, court filings, and whistleblower testimony. Joe Biden was involved, some critics argue without evidence, but the White House has been clear.
"As we have said many times before, President Biden never personally deposited a single check tied to Hunter's alleged foreign business dealings in Azerbaijan," said journeyman bureaucrat Ian Sams. "None of the diamonds that may have appeared in his Christmas stocking were of Zambian origin."
Joe Biden is very proud of his 53-year-old boy. "Shame on you, you sick son of a bitch," he told a Fox News reporter who invaded his privacy at a press conference.
The GOP attacks are ramping up. Biden is running for reelection against likely Republican nominee Donald Trump, a career criminal who imperils democracy.