Right-wing conservative patriots are understandably frustrated with America's political leaders. It often seems as though no one in a position of prominence has the courage or testicular fortitude to stand up and fight for their values.
They need a hero who gets them. Someone who understands their passion for freedom and capitalism. Someone who respects the military. Someone who fights. A hero who is willing to do whatever it takes to stop President Joe Biden from destroying this great country.
Perhaps this hero does exist. A ruthless capitalist who loves the Second Amendment as much as he hates the IRS, and is doing more than any Republican leader to bring down the Biden administration. We've just been looking for him in all the wrong places.
Meet Robert Hunter Biden. You probably already know who he is. (The delinquent adult son of President Joe Biden.) So you're probably more likely to think of him as a liberal scumbag than as a right-wing freedom fighter.
Perhaps we should consider the facts and examine the evidence before rushing to judgment. Now more than ever, we mustn't let our partisan biases cloud our judgment and deprive us of potential allies in the fight to Make America Great Again again.
The case for Hunter Biden, conservative hero:
He's an anti-tax crusader
Like most hardworking American patriots, Hunter hates having to fork over a chunk of his paycheck to the federal government so that feckless bureaucrats can fund trauma therapy for journalists (no, we're not kidding) and other boondoggles.
Hunter doesn't just complain about the IRS. For years, he has nonviolently protested injustice by withholding tax payments, refusing to disclose hard-earned foreign income, and writing off his prostitution-related endeavors as legitimate business expenses.
That's not all. Hunter is suing the IRS for failing to safeguard his privacy after two so-called whistleblowers revealed sensitive information about the agency's investigation of his taxes. He's not just another schmuck who talks the talk. He fights the fight!
He's a gun rights pioneer
Throughout his troubled life, Hunter has proudly exercised his right to bear arms in accordance with the Second Amendment. Rather than accept a plea deal, Hunter is contesting the federal government's case against him for allegedly lying about his so-called substance abuse on a form to acquire a handgun.
Hunter's lawyers are likely to point out the government's lack of hard evidence—in the form of illicit drugs seized from their client—in a case alleging that Hunter was not legally allowed to possess a firearm. (Witch hunt?) They may also argue that the law barring drug users from owning guns violates the U.S. Constitution by infringing on the rights of American citizens to bear arms.
He's an unapologetic capitalist
Liberals love to complain about "greedy" capitalists who only care about getting rich. As former president B. Hussein Obama once said, "at a certain point you've made enough money." Real Americans know that's a bunch of bulls—t, and Hunter Biden couldn't agree more.
Hunter knows that the whole point of American capitalism is that winners win and losers lose. This guys knows how to win, and couldn't care less if they think the way in which he earned his fortune—peddling access to his father to shady foreign entities—was "unethical." (Cry more, loser.)
He's a military enthusiast
Hunter tried to serve his country with honor, but regrettably our military lacked the wherewithal to accommodate individuals with special needs. (Cocaine.) Nevertheless, he has always been a staunch supporter of military veterans such as his brother, Beau Biden.
When it comes to fulfilling the particular needs of military wives and widows, Hunter has gone above and beyond the call of duty. After his brother passed away from cancer in 2015, Hunter was there to enthusiastically console the grieving widow, Hallie Biden, as well as her married older sister, Elizabeth Secundy. Where's his Medal of Honor?
He is Joe Biden's biggest threat
Republican politicians claim they want to save America from President Biden and his radical left-wing allies, but their efforts thus far have yielded diddly squat. Hunter might not be a Republican on paper, but it's fair to say that no one has done more to undermine the Biden administration and weaken the president's chances of winning reelection.
God bless you, Hunter Biden. Keep up the great work!