Satire

CNN Panel of Coronavirus ‘Experts’ Includes Celebrity Truant Greta Thunberg, Failed Obamacare Architect Kathleen Sebelius

CNN, the so-called news network that employs two of the entertainment industry's biggest whiners—Jim Acosta and Brian Stelter—is holding a town hall on Thursday to discuss the "facts and fears" surrounding the coronavirus pandemic.

The town hall will be hosted by Anderson Cooper, who failed (twice) to ask presumptive Democratic nominee Joe Biden about former staffer Tara Reade's allegation of sexual assault. Cooper will moderate a panel of coronavirus "experts" that includes at least two members whose coronavirus expertise is somewhat dubious, to say the least.

One is Greta Thunberg, the celebrity truant activist best known for skipping school, riding on boats, and shouting about climate change. Thunberg, 17, is presumably breathing easier these days following the collapse of Sen. Kamala Harris's (D., Calif.) failed presidential campaign, given the former California attorney general's ruthless approach to prosecuting truancy.

Harris is in the running to become attorney general in a Joe Biden administration, however, so Thunberg shouldn't get too comfortable just yet. In any event, it is not entirely clear what sort of edifying commentary on the coronavirus pandemic Thunberg can provide. Presumably, the child activist approves of House Speaker Nancy Pelosi's (D., Calif.) coronavirus relief bill, which aims to alleviate the suffering caused by the pandemic by allocating "environmental justice" grants.

Perhaps Thunberg will celebrate the environmental benefits of the coronavirus pandemic, which some activists have touted as proof that meaningful action to combat climate change is "possible." All that's required is the near-total shutdown of the global economy. Just 10 more years under lockdown and we might be able to achieve the goals outlined in the Paris climate accords.

The CNN panel will also include expert coronavirus commentary from Obama's health secretary, Kathleen Sebelius, a former insurance commissioner and chief lobbyist for the Kansas Trial Lawyers Association. Sebelius's experience on health-related issues includes overseeing the disastrous implementation of the Obamacare website, HealthCare.Gov, in 2013. She resigned the following year and started a consulting firm.

CNN is a "facts first" network, in the words of anchor Chris Cuomo, who recently lamented that his prominent, well-paying media job didn't allow him to more aggressively fight with strangers in public. That's presumably why CNN refuses to cover White House press briefings with Dr. Anthony Fauci but is happy to promote a high-school dropout's expert analysis of a global pandemic. Because of its commitment to facts.