Joe Biden will formally accept the Democratic nomination for president on Thursday and deliver the primetime address to his party's virtual convention. We didn't feel like staying up to watch, so instead we programmed a bot to study hours of footage of Biden speaking during the campaign, and then forced it to write a Joe Biden acceptance speech of its very own.
Here are the 10 most inspiring lines from the bot-authored speech. Enjoy!
"My name's Joe and I'm Jill Biden is my husband. God lover."
"My opponent, present Donald Trump, wants to talk about mental comp. Metal cog. My fill. As you can see, my physical and mental fill. Fitness. Look, I'm perfectly willing."
"He says to me, 'Joe,' he says. 'Give me a hug you old Irish son of a bitch.'"
"I'm the one who, what about education? The problems our children are required to at home. My wife is a teacher. Triple the money, okay? Triple."
"That was the summer of 1976, two thousandth year since the framing of, by and for. Independence. All men are cremated evil. Equal. You know the thing."
"I stood in the room with Kim Jong. We saw what happens when that happened. Number two, close your eyes, everybody."