2014 Man of the Year: Polar Vortex


Liberal America, the majority of which despises freedom, has being trying for years to explain that when they say "global warming," they are actually referring to something called "global weirding."

That’s confusing, and borderline unscientific. We believe that science is important. That’s why we shouldn’t try to invalidate just because a genius wore a shirt with boobs on it.

If you get confused when left-wing pundits tell you that something called the "polar vortex" was caused by "global warming," you’re not alone. And speaking of the polar vortex, what’s not to love?

For the first time in decades, Washington, D.C., was not a swampish hellscape during the summer months. It was actually quite pleasant. Joe Biden broke his habit of being the first to volunteer for the "skins" team during White House basketball games. Hillary’s knees didn’t ache as much.

Sure, the winter was unbearably cold, but that’s a cost we’re willing to accept given the overwhelming benefits, such as driving the stinkbug population to near extinction. We barely saw any hurricanes this year, which is a good. Hurricanes, like the polar vortex, consist primarily of science, so there is probably some connection there.

We’re not sure if polar vortex-related activity had anything to do with Kate Upton’s inspiring Antarctic photo shoot (which took place in 2013, but still, it was awesome). Anyway, who cares? The way our national fortitude is unraveling—caving to one podunk communist regime after another—civilization won’t be around long enough to find out that "global warming" was a gigantic myth. So we might as well enjoy ourselves.

God bless the Polar Vortex.


Published under: Men of the Year