Satire

Happy 80th Birthday, Nancy Pelosi!

House Speaker joins highest-risk age demographic for coronavirus fatality

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D., Calif.) celebrated her 80th birthday on Thursday as the American people continue to await House action on the Senate-passed $2 trillion coronavirus relief package. Most would agree that she doesn't look a day older than 79.

Born in 1940, more than a year before the Japanese sneak attack on Pearl Harbor, the left-wing Democrat has enjoyed one of the most successful female political careers in American history, at least in terms of longevity. She is even older than the two remaining Democratic presidential candidates—former vice president Joe Biden and Sen. Bernie Sanders (I., Vt.)—both of whom would turn 80 during their first term in office, if elected.

Pelosi's successful transition to octogenarian status means she has officially entered the age demographic most at risk of serious illness and death due to the coronavirus. The China Center for Disease Control has observed a fatality rate of nearly 15 percent among coronavirus patients over the age of 80.

Happy Birthday!