Democrats Have a Discipline Problem and the Only Solution Is Klobuchar-Lightfoot in 2024

Manchin, Sinema wouldn't dare disobey these iron-fisted femmes

June 26, 2021

Donald Trump is no longer president, but that doesn't mean the libs have stopped complaining. They'd prefer to be able to govern like the Communist Party does in China, so they're annoyed that some Democrats aren't on board with their campaign to abolish the filibuster and other constraints on power.

The libs will never be happy. Misery is their defining quality, and the world would not make sense to them without it. But in the interest of shutting them up, the Washington Free Beacon humbly recommends the following course of action: Swap Biden-Harris for Klobuchar-Lightfoot in 2024.

Democrats appear to suffer from a discipline problem, and President Joe Biden is clearly incapable of solving it. (See: Hunter Biden.) Vice President Kamala Harris, despite her affinity for throwing people in jail as California attorney general, doesn't seem to have what it takes either. Sens. Joe Manchin (D., W.Va.) and Kyrsten Sinema (D., Ariz.) clearly aren't afraid of them.

Sen. Amy Klobuchar (D., Minn.), by contrast, knows how to keep subordinates in line. Former aides have described her as a "dehumanizing" boss who was "habitually demeaning and prone to bursts of cruelty" and presided over a workplace "controlled by fear, anger, and shame."

Klobuchar once "accidentally" hit an aide with a binder, and infamously berated a staffer who forgot to bring a fork for her salad. She proceeded to eat the salad with a comb, then ordered the terrified staffer to clean it like a servant. While campaigning for president in 2019, the senator admitted to murdering a duck on the golf course.

Manchin and Sinema wouldn't dare disobey The Klob, especially if she chose a like-minded running mate to help her instill terror in the hearts of Democratic lawmakers. Chicago mayor Lori Lightfoot (D.) is the obvious choice. There aren't as many reported examples of Lightfoot dehumanizing her staff, but it's clear that Chicago mayors are more likely than not to be sociopaths. (See: Rahm Emanuel.)

Like Klobuchar, the mayor is notorious for her high turnover rate among staffers. Earlier this month, the public got a glimpse of Lightfoot's enormous potential when it comes to controlling her staff with fear, anger, and shame. The Chicago Tribune published excerpts from a psychotic email Lightfoot sent her then-scheduler in January, in which she demanded more "office time."

"I need office time everyday!" Lightfoot wrote 16 times in a row. Perhaps it is the mark of a proven leader. Former President Donald Trump, for example, made frequent use of "executive time" to sharpen his considerable intellect and think up news ways to improve the lives of everyday Americans.

"Not just once a week or some days, everyday!" the mayor continued, repeating the same line 10 times.

"If this doesn't change immediately, I will just start unilaterally canceling things every day," she wrote, five times.

Lightfoot concluded by writing, "Have I made myself clear, finally?!" a total of 13 times.

The staffer no longer works in the mayor's office.