Clinton Denies Having Horns

December 16, 2015

Hillary Clinton urged her supporters to tell their friends that she does not have horns Wednesday at a campaign event in Nebraska.

Clinton said that if attendees were asked where they had been all day, they could reassure friends or colleagues with the "fact" that she is not related to Satan, the most infamous horned figure.

"Here’s some additional facts that I want you to know, because I imagine when you leave here today you might run into some of your friends and colleagues who ask, ‘Where have you been?’ ‘What have you done today?’" she said.

Clinton advised voters to put their friends at ease by telling them that they saw firsthand that she did not have horns.

"First thing you’re gonna tell them, as best as you can tell, lookin’ under the lights, I don’t have horns," she said.

She said Republicans in particular might be suspicious of those who attended the event, but insisted that she and her supporters would continue to persuade them of her worth.

"And if you tell them you came for a rally to me, see me, […] you know, some of them, who may be of the Republican persuasion - although we’re not going to give up on them, are we? We’re going to keep trying to reach out to them," she said.

Clinton's insistence that she does not have horns, which are often attributed to a Biblical, non-human entity, contradicts an earlier confession that she is not a human being.

"I’m really not even a human being. I was constructed in a garage in Palo Alto a very long time ago," Clinton said. "A man whose name shall remain nameless created me in his garage."

Published under: Hillary Clinton , Nebraska