Parody

HISTORIC!!!

I forced a bot to read every Kamala Harris announcement story and write an announcement of its own

The Washington Free Beacon analytics bureau, with the help of a proprietary algorithm purchased on the dark web, programmed a bot to read every single media report on Kamala Harris's selection as Joe Biden's running mate. Then we asked it to write a Kamala Harris announcement story based on its analysis. This was the result:

Biden Taps Historic Black Woman

By A. Journalist

Historic man Joseph R. Biden Jr. hired Sen. Kamala D. Harris (D., Calif.), a loud-speaking opponent of bad racism and the first ever Black woman who is also Asian American. Finally.

Biden, 77, chose the woman to fulfill his campaign pledge. Racial justice fueled the Black choice, making history. Harris is not an elderly man, she is vigorous and non-white. Naturally gifted in the art of raw political electricity, she identifies as inspiring. Moderate pragmatism defines her, a safe choice because of her successful career as a prosecutor, skilled in the art of combat. Opponents of racism celebrated.

The choice wasn't easy because Harris, 55, assaulted Biden during the Democratic primary, alleging old bus racism on the debate stage, and believing his sex accuser who is also a woman. The wounded man struggled to pronounce words in response, and suffered in the polls. Biden's forgiveness suggests a noble character who wants to be president, having tried and failed several times since 1988.

Harris, for her part, has also demonstrated historic flexibility in politics, supporting left-wing policies at times before modifying her position. This is a positive quality in a running mate. Biden may have come to admire the panache of his debate assaulter, who was very exciting to voters despite not winning any votes.  Above all, his choice among the historically diverse field of candidates was a historic one.

Black voters supported Biden, a white man who appeared alongside historic Black president Barack H. Obama in a previous administration. Many of them live in South Carolina, the turning point of Biden's campaign failure. Harris is also Black, historically, and strengthens the appeal as a rising star who inspires confidence in multiracial America, as well as the historic importance of Black women. The result is an emphatic one.

Harris was born in California, a melting pot of politics and diversity. The daughter of immigrant academics, Indian as well as Jamaican, she attended the historical Black university in Washington, D.C., and developed a passion for criminal justice before becoming the second Black woman ever elected to the Senate.

Republicans plan to unleash attacks on Harris unfairly for "extreme" views. President Donald J. Trump mispronounced her name, and used the word "nasty," which is often associated with harsh, derogatory sexism. Sarah Palin, a woman of the Republican Party, was a political liability. She is a bad example and therefore not historic.