May Day Disarray

Disorganized Occupy Wall Street anarchists flood NYC streets during annual commie protest

May 1, 2012

A disorganized and confused Occupy Wall Street cluttered downtown New York City Tuesday, shutting down city streets and walkways along Fifth Avenue and beyond.

"Mic check! Slow down! Slow down!" organizers yelled as thousands of protestors spilled into the streets, sending the city into gridlock.

Due to the scattered and disorganized nature of the protest, police cruisers and uniformed officers were forced to accompany the marchers, who had gathered without getting the proper permits from city authorities.

The largely dormant Occupy Movement sprung into action in celebration of May Day, a holiday originally established to honor the beginning of spring but that has long been co-opted by left wing radicals and unions who aim to highlight what they describe as the average worker’s plight.

Occupy Wall Street organizers had planned to use May Day as a proxy for their fledgling movement, which has been plagued by apathy and waning public interest in recent months after the majority of protestors across the country were banned from sleeping in the parks and streets where they had gathered.

During the first of several marches scheduled throughout the day, protestors verbally berated police officers and other passersby who were attempting to return to their offices from lunch.

"This is what a police state looks like," yelled one protestor with multiple facial piercings.

"You're making things worse," said another, who accused officers of trying to stoke tensions with the marchers.

"Arrest the bankers," screamed another gaggle of protestors who were strumming ukuleles and weathered acoustic guitars.

The protesters, however, seemed to have only a vague idea of their mission, alternately decrying America as being "unfair" and bashing President Obama for capitulating to Wall Street’s interests.

Obama is "horrible" on education, said one elderly protester, who identified herself as a schoolteacher from Long Island. "I no longer put my hopes there. I wish I could but I can’t."

The teacher said that protesters aim to foment global change.

"We also have to keep our eye on the big prize, which is changing the whole thing," she said. She did not clarify what the "big prize" or the "whole thing" are exactly.

She also railed against U.S. military spending and even America’s alliance with Israel, which she claimed was harming the country’s credibility in the region and draining taxpayer coffers.

"F—k your unpaid internships," declared another sign held by a 20-something woman in what appeared to be a designer outfit.

"Eat the Rich, Smash the State," added another group of men purporting to be anarchists.

Protesters have promised to continue clogging city streets and parks throughout the day. The events will supposedly culminate in an after-hours party set to be held at an undisclosed location in the city's financial district.