Hillary’s Sycophantic Suckups Make the Oscars All About Her

Hillary Clinton / AP

As I noted yesterday, the real lesson of the Hillary Clinton email dump is that she has surrounded herself with sycophantic suckup tattletales that belong on Veep and should never be given office space at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. It's hard to think of a more absurd example of this gross behavior than the following email from Sid "The Snake" Blumenthal to "H":

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Now. This here's a fascinating "take." Sid's argument, it appears, is that Hollywood—which was famously split between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama during the 2008 Democratic primary—used the industry's biggest night to relitigate the fight in favor of Hillary. His proof? I assume he's referring to the fact that Kathryn Bigelow won best director (the first woman to take home that trophy) and that her film The Hurt Locker won best picture.

This is kiss-assery of the highest order. I'm not even mad. That's amazing. Sid ate the whole wheel of cheese. I have to wonder what his "takes" were on this year's awards.

After Leviathan, a film deeply critical of Putin's Russia, lost best foreign feature: "Wow, Hollywood agrees with you: the reset worked!"

After Birdman won best picture: "Hollywood acknowledges the struggles of middle-aged performers with identity/anxiety issues. Good for us, given your wizened stature."

Following Sean Penn's speech in which he mentioned Birdman director Alejandro G. Iñárritu's Green Card: "Obviously, this is a sign that Hollywood is rallying around your stance on immigration."

When Julianne Moore beat out Rosamund Pike for best actress, you know Sid was all over it: "Experience beats out youth every day of the week. They've got your back, H."

You'd think that Eddie Redmayne's win for best actor had nothing to do with Hillary. You'd be wrong: "H, great news for you. Hollywood digs your pro-science stand. Maybe amp up discussion of global warming on Twitter?"

After Selma was snubbed in every major category: "lol guess they have some regrets, huh ;)"

In all seriousness, if any of the candidates needs a hack on staff who can turn the Oscars into a referendum on them, drop me a line. I can do sycophancy with the best of them. Sid Blumenthal's got nothing on me. Drop me a line, H. I can fluff like you won't believe.