Taxing Away Our Rights

• April 9, 2013 9:33 am


Apparently, local and state politicians are planning on implementing punitive taxes on guns and bullets in order to decrease private ownership of the same. Reports Politico:

Gun owners in and around Chicago last week started paying a new $25 tax on every firearm they purchase. In California, a statehouse panel on April 15 will hear testimony on a nickel-per-bullet tax measure, and in New Jersey, lawmakers want to slap an additional 5 percent sales tax on guns and ammo. …

State lawmakers, meanwhile, are making the case for why taxes should be part of the debate.

"There are costs incurred as a result of gun violence which are borne by the general taxpayer — both social and economical," California Assemblyman Roger Dickinson, who put forward a nickel ammo tax proposal in January, said in an interview. "There ought to be a cost … to those who want to buy firearms."

Call me crazy, but I think this is a totally reasonable point. A modest proposal, even. The question is: Why stop with guns?

After all, newspapers and magazines are filled with dangerous ideas. Did you know that some newspapers advocated for war in their editorial pages? And reported false intelligence to the masses? Dear me. What should we do to encourage against such behavior? Seems pretty obvious to me: We should levy a modest, $25/copy tax on those newspapers and magazines that committed such horrors. You know, to pay for the social and economical costs.

And elections are expensive man. Especially in the inner cities, where they have all those polling places and need extra manpower to handle the crowds. More machines, more money, more problems. What about a modest, $25/vote tax on those who wish to exercise their rights in such locales. It's only fair.

Do you have any idea how much money we spend housing our troops? Bases are ridiculously expensive. In order to offset the costs of keeping a roof over the heads of our soldiers—who really are just keeping us safe, you know—maybe we should charge a $25/house tax on those who don't want to quarter troops. It's for the common good, you must realize. You must.

Remember, as the politician screamed at us yesterday, "This isn't about politics." It's about doing what's right and what's fair. What should our elected officials be more concerned with? Getting an A from the anti-poll-tax lobby? Or helping our nation manage its disastrous fiscal state? Seems pretty simple to me.

Published under: Humor, Parody