Eric Swalwell, the Thirstiest Candidate

• May 28, 2019 2:15 pm


Eric Swalwell, a U.S. congressman from California, is one of the random white dudes running in the 2020 Democratic primary. You might have seen him on television, because the networks are always in need of someone to talk about the Trump-Russia conspiracy, especially after 2018 Free Beacon Man of the Year Michael Avenatti was indicted.

Swalwell has sought to stand out from the sizable pack of unmemorable white guys—and to elicit the best offer from MSNBC after he inevitably drops out—by demonstrating an unparalleled thirst for attention. He is, without a doubt, the thirstiest candidate in the race.

Look, he has a dog

He curses (sort of)

He's tech savvy

He checks his privilege

He has black friends

He's got puns and movie references (and guilty pleasures)

He's not afraid to GO THERE

Please give him money

His kid is woke AF