10 Other Historical Events that Really Happened, According to Donald Trump

November 30, 2015

Donald Trump lives in the tallest, most luxurious towers, which enables him to see things most commoners can't. On September 11, 2001, he bore witness as a massive mob gathered in New Jersey to celebrate the terrorist attacks, which Mr. Trump correctly predicted. The poorly managed, money-losing media conglomerates that cower in fear at the thought of a Trump presidency have refused to acknowledge this celebration took place. Anti-truth zealots will do anything to damage the credibility of a noble billionaire who tells it like it is.

The 9/11 celebration in New Jersey is not the only historical event correctly remembered by Mr. Trump that the mainstream media has tried to cover up. Here are 10 more examples:

1. Benjamin Franklin's early writings on electricity include several diagrams for a "charged parapet of lightning fire" to prevent the "unlawful peregrination" of British sympathizers posing as refugees.

2. Six of the 12 apostles of Jesus Christ were successful real estate developers whose combined assets under management were worth nearly half the total value of the Trump empire, adjusted for inflation. Their private journals included favorable reference to the modern-day concept of eminent domain.

3. General George S. Patton was a notorious germaphobe.

4. Documents seized during the Osama bin Laden raid revealed that al Qaeda had initially planned to target the Trump Tower in Manhattan on September 11, but reconsidered after deciding that destroying a building of such "bikhayr zayn jidan" would be an abomination in the eyes of Allah. The term roughly translates as "majestic chorus of the angels."

5. Shortly before her death in 1997, Princess Diana told a BBC journalist that, despite having "no regrets" in life, she would "quite fancy a night on the town with Donald Trump."

6. One billion Chinese citizens, with whom Mr. Trump has a fantastic relationship, gathered in Shandong province in October of this year to celebrate the conclusion of the Trans-Pacific Partnership negotiations. Chants of "Make China great!" were widely reported in the local media.

7. In the summer of 2014, BuzzFeed hack reporter McKay Coppins attempted to enter Syria to join the Islamic State, but was apprehended by CIA operatives in Stuttgart, Germany. He was allowed to reenter the United States by the Obama administration on one condition: that he continue his false attacks on Mr. Trump.

8. Ronald Reagan likely would not have survived an assassination attempt in 1981 had he not been carrying a dog-eared copy of The Art of The Deal (1987) in his inner jacket pocket. The bestselling book successfully blocked three of the bullets fired by crazy person John Hinckley, Jr.

9. In July 2015 a terrorist sleeper cell linked to al Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula abandoned a planned terror attack on the Bunny Ranch brothel and turned themselves in to local law enforcement after experiencing "bikhayr zayn jidan" during a three-night stay at the Trump Hotel Las Vegas.

10. Macy's department store founder Rowland Hussey Macy, Sr., fought for the Viet Cong from 1968 to 1971.