SUVs Superior to Smaller Cars, New Study Finds

Sorry, Pete. Science doesn't lie.

June 5, 2023

What happened: A new study found that SUVs are superior to smaller cars when evaluated by one key metric—their ability to neutralize the cyclists who terrorize our roads.

By the numbers: Head injuries caused by cyclist collisions with SUVs were 63 percent more severe, according to the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety. Trauma to the body was rated 55 percent higher in collisions with SUVs compared with smaller cars.

• Bicycle crash fatalities in the United States surged 50 percent between 2010 and 2020; researchers attribute the rise at least in part to the "dominance of pickups and SUVs in the U.S. vehicle fleet."

What they're saying: "SUVs tend to knock riders down, where they can also be run over, rather than vaulting them onto the hood of the vehicle," said Sam Monfort, lead author of the IIHS study. "That's probably because the higher front end of an SUV strikes the cyclist above their center of gravity."

Why it matters: Cyclists are a public menace. Their arrogance knows no bounds. They threaten the safety of pedestrians and law-abiding motorists who are just trying to get to work on time. In a just world, cyclists would be designated as members of a terrorist organization and dealt with accordingly.

• Cyclists have teamed up with other left-wing activists to promote government bans on pickup trucks and SUVs under the guise of "protecting the environment." They would like nothing more than to neutralize a formidable adversary in their quest to dominate our roads and terrorize the population.

• Secretary of Transportation Pete Buttigieg is a known cyclist and cyclist sympathizer.

Bottom line: Science doesn't lie. Big cars are better than small cars. SUVs are a crucial ally in America's war against the evil forces plotting to destroy our way of life. God bless and Godspeed.