Challenge Accepted, PETA


'Ooh, heaven is a place on earth' / Getty Images

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) wants to know something:

I mean, honestly, there's only one argument that matters. And it was articulated almost a quarter century ago:

"Bacon tastes good. Pork chops taste good."

I mean, look, maybe there are other reasons to eat bacon—maybe it cures cancer and lets you fart rainbows in addition to being delicious, I dunno, I'm not a scientist, go ask Neil deGrasse Tyson if that's what happens, he probably has some annoyingly literal take on the matter*—but the only argument that truly matters is the one articulated by Mr. Vincent Vega.

What's the best argument for bacon? Well, that's easy. Bacon. Tastes. Good.

*"Actually, a pig's atomic structure is 99.9998 percent identical to tofurkey, so bacon is therefore no better than tofurkey. I drink my own urine because it is the same as wine. Derpity derp derp SCIENCE BITCHES."