SHE SHALL PERSIST: Here’s How Hillary Clinton Will Become President In 2017

Hillary Clinton

Donald Trump’s impeachment is imminent, and the majority of his cabinet is implicated in his treason. Hillary Clinton was supposed to be our president in 2017. It was her turn. She won the popular vote, but lost the rigged election because of Russia. Fortunately, there’s a good chance that Hillary will be sworn in as president before …

Free Beacon Fan Fiction: Hillary Clinton Detained, Trump Declares ‘Promise Kept’ in Fabulous Rose Garden Ceremony

CHAPPAQUA — Hillary Clinton surrendered to federal authorities on Tuesday after a nine-hour standoff involving a series of tense negotiations and a brief exchange of gunfire with Kazakh mercenaries. The former secretary of state was transferred to a federal prison facility in Cumberland, Md., where she will await trial on charges of corruption, racketeering, treason, voter fraud, planning the Benghazi attack, associating with perverts, and disseminating “fake news.”

FLASHFORWARD: Hillary Clinton Announces 2020 Presidential Run

Let’s face it, Hillary Clinton is probably going to run for president again in 2020, if for no other reason than to drive up her speaking fees and lay the groundwork for publication of her next memoir. Someone has to pay the bills in that family, and Chelsea needs to focus on running for Congress, or …

OUT OF THE WOODS: Highlights from the Hillary Clinton Comeback Tour

Congratulations, America! One of your most beloved public speakers (according to 2015 market value) is back on the circuit. That’s right, Hillary Clinton is coming to a regional trade or professional organization or global banking conglomerate’s semi-annual conference near you! Her reps at the Harry Walker Agency are busy plugging the failed candidate’s availability as her ghostwriter puts the finishing touches …

OPINION: Kate Upton Might Not Be Perfect

EDITORS’ NOTE: This column by the disgraced former journalist Andrew Stiles originally appeared in the May 2017 issue of War Fancy magazine, the Free Beacon’s monthly print publication and the official magazine of the Backyard Axe Throwing League. Over the weekend, hundreds of subscribers wrote letters, sent emails, and posted on social media to express their …

EXCLUSIVE: White House Preps for Iowa Caucus Results

President Obama huddled with White House aides on Monday to prepare for the Iowa Caucus results, the Free Beacon has learned. Senator Bernie Sanders is widely expected to win the state’s Democratic primary. If that happens, the White House is expected to deploy some new hardware that was recently installed with the help of some children.

5 Things to Know Before the Votes Are Counted in Iowa

The Iowa caucuses are upon us. The winning candidates from each party will immediately be sworn in as co-presidents. Donald Trump is probably going to win—or is he? Jeb Bush will be there. Hillary Clinton is supposed to win, but she’s also one of the worst political candidates in American history, and is almost definitely going to jail. Whatever the outcome, here are five things you need to know before the votes are counted: