More Bad News for Beto

Beto O’Rourke is having a bad week. He’s fading in the polls, and is approaching “statistically insignificant” territory in the most recent survey of New Hampshire primary voters. His stump speech was panned by an 8th grade civics class in Iowa. THE POLITICO reported on his struggles to “organize a viable campaign.”

I Dated Bernie Sanders. This Is What It’s Like Watching Him Run for President

HORLIVKA, Donetsk People’s Republic—On an afternoon in January, I crouched behind what was left of a rotting horse, digging around in my pockets for chewing gum and amphetamines. I found the letter instead. As much as I’d wanted to after reading it, I couldn’t bring myself to throw it away. Inside the internationally postmarked envelope was the official letterhead of a Prague-based private detective working on behalf of a powerful American oligarch, Neera Tanden. The subject: “Bernie Sanders.” My love of a lifetime long past. My Bernychka.

Thank You, President Trump! Chick-fil-A Is Now America’s Third-Largest Restaurant Chain

In the two years since Donald J. Trump was sworn in as president, the United States of America has achieved unsurpassed greatness in almost every imaginable category. The economy is surging. Tiger Woods is a Masters champion again, after ending his “Obama drought” on the PGA Tour. Mankind continues to enjoy unprecedented dominance over Earth’s inferior species. And now, thanks to booming sales, Chick-fil-A has become the third-largest restaurant chain in the United States, behind Starbucks and McDonalds.

Humans Continue to Enjoy Unprecedented Species Dominance Under President Trump

President Donald J. Trump promised to Make American Great Again, and he has. We’re winning again, and not just as a country, but as a species. Mankind—aka “the human race,” in the politically correct parlance of the failed Obama era—continues to enjoy unprecedented dominance of Planet Earth under President Trump’s courageous leadership.

Paul Krugman, Moron

New York Times columnist Paul Krugman is a wealthy partisan hack who, like most partisan hacks, is unable to resist the allure of Twitter. When a steaming hot take enters his brain, Krugman is rarely dissuaded from sharing it with the world. He types it in the little white box. He presses the “Tweet” button.