'Equitable Psychedelics,' 'Building an Antiracist Newsroom,' and Other Woke Nonsense Panels Happening Now at South by Southwest

Sponsored by White Claw® Hard Seltzer

March 11, 2023

What's happening: South by Southwest, the radical Big Tech woke corporate propaganda and music festival, started on Friday in Austin, Texas.

The 10-day extravaganza, which bills itself as the "essential destination for global professionals," is sponsored by White Claw® Hard Seltzer, C4 Smart Energy®, Volkswagen, and Porsche, among others. Featured speakers include Second Gentleman Doug Emhoff, New Age guru Deepak Chopra, Hollywood actor Robert Downey Jr., DJ Jazzy Jeff, and renowned drag queen activist Gottmik.

What they're saying: "SXSW proves that the most unexpected discoveries happen when diverse topics and people come together." —SXSW promotional material

Look at all this woke corporate nonsense: There are dozens of bonkers panel discussions and other events on the SXSW itinerary for attendees to check out. Here are 17 of the most ridiculous examples we could find, in no particular order.

1) Building an Antiracist Newsroom—Four journalists, including NBC News correspondent and "1619 Project" contributing writer Trymaine Lee, will discuss "the fallacy of 'objective journalism'" in this "time of great racial reckoning."

2) Menstrual Dignity: Taboos and Inequality—Enjoy an illuminating discussion about the impact of "menstrual poverty" on "people who menstruate." This panel is "suitable for audiences with a focus on the [United Nations sustainable development goals] 1,3,4,5,10,11, and 12," whatever the hell that means.

3) Breaking Binary: Ending Inequity in Intersex Care—Dr. Francis Grimstad, a pediatric gynecologist at Boston Children's Hospital who specializes in trans reproductive health, will join others to discuss health care for children who identify as intersex, which in case you were wondering is "a general term for a variety of conditions where a person is born with reproductive or sexual anatomy that doesn’t fit typical definitions of male or female bodies."

4) How To Recession Proof Your Diversity Strategy—This workshop will highlight the 10 "key standards that drive diversity in the workplace." Participants will receive "a score across each of the standards and an overall score to enable them to measure their DEI progress tangibly."

5) Building an Equitable Psychedelic Medicines System—A panel discussion about whether the increasing acceptance of psychedelic treatments will be "a force for good" or "entrench existing inequalities."

6) Does "Mind Control for Good" Exist?—Sponsored by Edelman, the global public relations consultancy firm, this panel will discuss how to utilize Brain Computer Interface to save the world without "stripping us of our agency and humanity."

7) Designing Equity Through an Afrofuturist Lens—This panel of "designers, artists, time travelers, and futurists" will discuss how to use "speculative design to harmonize the experiences of Black people in the past, present, and future."

8) Featured Session: Chelsea Handler & Jen Psaki—A gabfest featuring the former White House press secretary and the 48-year-old female comedian whose most recent tour was titled "Vaccinated and Horny."

9) How Will TV Evolve for the Queerest Generation Yet—This "advanced" level panel will seek to answer this burning question.

10) Can the Union of Equity and Tech Save Cannabis?—This session will discuss how the cannabis industry's problems can be "resolved through equity-based tech solutions."

11) Not Your Typical Aunty: The Brown Womxn Revolution—This "advanced" level session is sponsored by Velocity Global and appears to focus on "South Asian wom[x]n," which is not very inclusive.

12) Climate Action 101: Finding Your Climate Squad—This meet and greet will focus on the "importance of intentionally finding a climate community," and will examine strategies for "coping with eco anxiety."

13) Hacking Beauty for Accessibility—Listen to an Estée Lauder executive talk about what his company is doing to become "the most inclusive and diverse beauty company in the world."

14) Driving Inclusivity in Immersive Experience Design—Sponsored by frog, a leading global creative consultancy, this panel will help attendees learn how to "unlock the true power of shared immersive experiences" and take part in the "co-creation of unique emergent narratives."

15) Featured Session: The Future of Privacy on the Net with Chelsea Manning—The former male soldier convicted on 17 charges of leaking classified information and aiding America's enemies will discuss the future of internet privacy.

16) Live Performance In The Metaverse—Sponsored by the global accounting firm KPMG, this panel will include commentary from TFM Jonny, a "streaming celebrity, performer, and musician [who] creates hours of content every day in his anime wolf 'boi' persona."