STOLEN VALOR: Reviled Carpetbagger Hillary Clinton Gloms Like Barnacle to Nationals' World Series Glory

October 31, 2019

Hillary Clinton, the failed politician and presumptive frontrunner to win the Democratic nomination for president in 2020, is tweeting again. The former first lady and wealthy public-speaking magnate on Thursday attempted to bathe herself in the glory of the Washington Nationals' World Series championship, while injecting politics into the still-fresh revelry of the team's stunning upset victory over the Houston Astros.

"World Series champs should get statehood. #FinishTheFight," tweeted Hillary, who claimed to be an avid fan of the Chicago Cubs before running for Senate in New York, at which point she became a Yankees fan. Clinton's tweet was referring to the fringe belief that Washington, D.C.—a moneyed bastion of lawyers, lobbyists, and poor people the lawyers and lobbyists are endeavoring to expel from the district through gentrification—deserves to be a legitimate state with full voting rights in Congress.

Granting statehood to D.C. would not only screw up our perfect American flag, but would also guarantee Democrats two additional seats in the U.S. Senate, and potentially give them control of the upper chamber, something they have been unable to attain through conventional means since 2015.

Hillary is rumored to be considering a third run for president in light of the underwhelming nature of the current Democratic primary field. The stunning downfall of Sen. Kamala Harris (D., Calif.), whose campaign recently announced staff layoffs and financial cutbacks due to a shortage of donations, could potentially pave the way for Hillary to enter the race and win the nomination. Longtime Clinton goon Philippe Reines recently suggested Hillary "might be the best person" to beat President Donald Trump in 2020.