2020 Candidates as March Madness Mascots

March Madness is upon us. Unfortunately, so is the Democratic primary. Both are tournaments of sorts, involving lots of drama and heartache, casts of colorful characters, and tedious commentary. Both involve varying degrees of capitalism and meritocracy. Neither March Madness nor the Democratic primary are very important, in the grand scheme of things, because we …

Urban Meyer: The Hillary Clinton of College Football

Ohio State University head football coach Urban Meyer has been suspended for three games for his handling of an assistant coach’s alleged domestic abuse, much to the chagrin of basically everyone who follows the sport and who isn’t angry this sentence didn’t start with “The.” How bad are the allegations? Well, reading through the full findings …

7 Ways To Improve Soccer (While Trump Builds a Legal Case for an Outright Ban)

The hashtag #WaysToImproveSoccer is trending on social media for some reason—probably because most normal people regard the “sport” as a tedious affair that rewards whining. Of course, suggesting ways to “improve” this decidedly anti-American endeavor is little more than a rhetorical exercise. The most sensible course of action would be an outright ban. #WaysToImproveSoccer by …