Chris Christie's appearance at the third Republican primary debate on Wednesday is likely to be the final act of his failed campaign. He might as well go out with a bang.
During the previous debate—an obnoxious shouting match at the Reagan Library in California—the former governor of New Jersey delivered one of the most memorable (and egregiously longwinded) zingers of the night.
"I want to look in that camera right now and tell you, Donald. I know you're watching, you can't help yourself," Christie said of former president Donald Trump, who skipped the debate. "I know you're watching and you’re not here tonight, not because of polls and not because of your indictments. You’re not here tonight because you’re afraid of being on this stage and defending your record. You’re ducking these things. And let me tell you what’s going to happen. You keep doing that, no one up here is going to call you Donald Trump anymore. We’re going to call you Donald Duck."
In the interest of helping Christie end his doomed-from-the-start campaign on a high note, the Washington Free Beacon has exclusively formulated the following list of epic zingers for his immediate consideration.
1) Let me tell ya, we just celebrated Halloween, and I know a thing or two about candy, obviously. So does Donald Trump. Or should I say, "The Ghost of Donald Trump Not Present," because he's not here tonight. He's not present on stage.
2) Most people say "trick or treat" on Halloween, but Donald says "click or Tweet," because that's all he did in the White House. He clicked the buttons on his television remote and tweeted on his phone. "Click or Tweet."
3) I saw enough zombies handing out candy on Halloween; we don't need an actual zombie in the White House. Joe Biden is that zombie, and the American people deserve better.
4) Speaking of Halloween, the only thing spookier than monsters and ghosts is four more years of Joe Biden's failed economic policies. Economic fallacies, more like it.
5) Biden is so unpopular they might end up replacing him with Gavin Newsom. Have you heard of this guy? Looks like one of those catalogue models. The only thing tighter than his designer skinny jeans is the tight hugs I gave the families of fallen firefighters on 9/11.
6) Between Vivek's bouffant hairstyle, Ron's boot lifts, and Nikki's heels, it's like everyone on this stage is concerned about their height. Not me. The only height I care about is the height of the national debt.
7) I doubt Kamala Harris is watching tonight because she's too busy helping her stepdaughter raise money for terrorists. The terrorists are going to use that money to wage jihad against Jews and the West. She keeps doing that, we're not going to call her Kamala Harris anymore. We're going to call her Jihadmala Harris.
8) Shut up, Vivek. You're so ignorant about the Middle East, the last time you went to a Middle Eastern restaurant, you sat down at the table, and when the waiter came over with the menu and some waters, you looked him straight in the eye and asked if the "Hamas" came with pita bread. Moron!