Dispatch From an Alternative Universe: Los Angeles Dodgers To Honor Anti-Islam Group at Pride Night

June 1, 2023

What actually happened: The Los Angeles Dodgers are embroiled in controversy ahead of the team's Pride Night celebration on June 16. After initially removing the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence—a group of flamboyantly anti-Catholic drag queen nuns—from the list of Pride Night honorees, the Dodgers reversed course last week in response to intense pushback from left-wing activists, including a powerful teachers' union that warned that refusing to honor the drag queen nuns "will lead to more deaths." Team officials offered their "sincerest apologies to the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, members of the LGBTQ+ community, and their friends and family."

What would have happened: The situation might have played out differently if the Dodgers had decided to honor a so-called gay rights group that "makes a blatant and deeply offensive mockery" of the Islamic faith.

LOS ANGELES—The Los Angeles Dodgers on Wednesday were permanently banned from Major League Baseball and forced to vacate all championships and other accolades after the team invited a group of anti-Islam activists to take part in Pride Night celebrations later this month.

"We emphatically condemn the former organization's decision to foment racism and Islamophobia under the guise of celebrating our friends in the LGBTQQIP2SAA+ community," MLB commissioner Rob Manfred said in a statement. "Effective immediately, the Los Angeles Dodgers will cease to exist in the eyes of Major League Baseball."

Manfred continued: "Later this evening, the league will endeavor to facilitate restorative inclusion by demolishing Dodger Stadium and funding the construction of a mosque, anti-Zionist youth center, and outpatient female circumcision facility in its place. Furthermore, the league has initiated legal action to exhume the body of longtime Dodgers manager Tommy Lasorda and reclaim the MLB copyrighted jersey in which he was buried." 

Manfred released the statement several minutes after the Dodgers unveiled a list of "community hero" honorees for the upcoming Pride Night festivities. Although the list included a number of mainstream LGBTQQIP2SAA+ rights organizations—the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, among others—critics pounced on the team's decision to highlight the "lifesaving work" of Twinks Against Sharia, a gay rights group the Southern Poverty Law Center has denounced as a "cult of hatemongers" for its efforts to "promote Islamophobia by highlighting the cruel treatment of gays and lesbians in the Islamic world." 

Twinks Against Sharia describe themselves as a "leading-edge order of queer and trans imams" that "use humor and irreverent wit to expose the forces of bigotry, complacency, and guilt that chain the human spirit." The group's most notable production, a satirical porn film titled The Second IntifaDong: Revenge of the Al-Assqa Otters Brigade contained several depictions of the Prophet Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him), which experts agree is way more offensive to Muslims than depictions of nuns in drag are to Catholics.

This is a developing story.