Politics

Watch Hillary Clinton Nod and Sip Water While Maintaining Eye Contact with an Everyday Iowa Voter

Triple threat.

Journeyman presidential candidate Hillary Clinton interacted with some everyday Iowa students in a garage on Tuesday, and taught all of us a lesson in the art of relatable politicking.

On several occasions during the roundtable event, Clinton revealed herself as a true "triple threat" by demonstrating an array of crucial skills that, when deployed correctly, can make even the most out-of-touch politicians appear somewhat human.

  1. Eye Contact — One of the easiest ways to make an everyday person feel that you really care about what they are saying, even if you are secretly counting the seconds until you can return to the plush leather "safe space" in your luxury van. This is particularly useful for a extremely wealthy person who is forced to interact with a commoner on the commoner's home turf.
  2. Head Nod — A critical tool of everyday human interaction, especially when paired with meaningful eye contact. It makes the commoner feel as though you agree with them, and can empathize with their everyday concerns even if you can't. Keep in mind that most people who have never met a sultan, much less shared a Gulfstream jet with one, usually don't have anything interesting to say, and certainly won't be able to write a six-figure check to your Super PAC. Alas, they are still allowed to vote.
  3. Hydration — The human body needs water, but simply taking a sip every now and then won't increase your favorability rating. Everybody drinks; that's boring. Some may argue that hydrating while engaged in nodding eye contact is just showing off. But it can also be a indispensable diversionary tactic for those who instinctively scowl whenever a commoner starts to whine about their everyday problems. They've never struggled to pay off two mortgages. They've never felt the crippling anxiety that comes with standing before a crowd of wealthy Wall Street executives.

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Hillary's ability to perform all three tasks at once may not seem very impressive at first glance. However, as seasoned politicians will attest, this can only be accomplished after years of grueling practice.

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Republicans should not let Hill Dogg's otherwise disastrous rollout fool them into underestimating her strength as a candidate. She is a genuine triple threat, and will be a formidable opponent in 2016.