BREAKING: Eric Swalwell To Announce He Ran for President

Candidate best known for comparing Mueller Report to Pearl Harbor, 9/11

Eric Swalwell / Getty Images

Rep. Eric Swalwell (D., Calif.) plans to announce that he attempted to run for president in the 2020 Democratic primary.

He is the first of all the random white dudes allegedly seeking the party's nomination to withdraw his candidacy. Having abandoned his lifelong dream, Swalwell will instead seek reelection to Congress, one of the most widely loathed institutions in the country.

News of Swalwell's departure from the race arrived less than 24 hours after reports that another white male candidate was preparing to enter the Democratic primary. Tom Steyer, the billionaire climate-change activist who has been funding a campaign to impeach President Donald J. Trump, is set to become the newest addition to the Democratic field.

Swalwell was known in some circles as the "thirstiest candidate" seeking the Democratic nomination, unmatched in his desperation to appear "woke" and relatable. He tweeted photos of his dog. He put "our lying, cheating, bullsh*tting President" on blast. He checked his privilege.  He accepted campaign donations in cryptocurrency. He even compared the release of Special Counsel Robert Mueller's report on Russian election interference to 9/11 and the Japanese bombing of Pearl Harbor.

Prior to his alleged presidential candidacy, Swalwell made headlines by threatening to launch a "short [nuclear] war" against American gun owners who objected to his proposal to confiscate certain classes of firearms. Also, his kid was woke AF.

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R., Ky.) was among the first to congratulate Swalwell on his contribution to national discourse.