Harvard is hiring a director of public affairs to help the embattled university handle "crisis communications," according to a job listing posted last week. Qualified candidates must have experience managing "complex, confidential issues," as well as a demonstrated ability to identify and mitigate "reputational risk."
We want nothing but the best for Harvard, which is why the Washington Free Beacon has already offered recommendations for who should succeed Claudine Gay, the former president who resigned in disgrace earlier this year amid a flurry of scandals involving anti-Semitism and serial plagiarism.
Based on what we're hearing, these are the top contenders for the new public affairs position at Harvard, which comes with an annual salary of up to $164,500:
Matt Dornic
The former head of strategic communications for CNN, Dornic has experience crafting narratives for an institution that was once widely respected but has since come to be reviled by most. He is best known for wearing $200 baseball caps and posting shirtless photos of himself on social media.
Sheikh Maktoum bin Khalifa Al-Thani
The 22nd in line to the throne of Qatar would not require any financial compensation. His only requirements are 1) university assistance in obtaining visas and other documents for him and his "friends" and 2) the aggressive deployment of university resources to advance the political interests of certain members of the Qatari royal family.
Mostafa Zaid
The former deputy director of digital media and drone warfare for Al-Shifa Hospital in Gaza City is well-versed in the art of crisis communication. Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D., N.Y.) described his forthcoming memoir, Diggin' for Truth, as "one of the only books I have ever finished."
Jihadi Karen
Or whatever her real name is. This UCLA student, a leader of the so-called Palestinian Solidarity Encampment, has distinguished herself as perhaps the most articulate public intellectual of her generation. "Um, I think, um, given the fact that the University of California is founded on colonialism, um, it's inherently a violent institution," Jihadi Karen said last week. On Monday, the anti-Israel agitator said, "I hate white people," while attacking a courageous journalist.
Kristi Noem
In the event that Harvard's leaders are not interested in self-reflection or changing course, in admitting fault or simply staying out of the public spotlight for a while. If they would prefer to keep digging themselves into a deeper hole while torching what's left of their credibility, then Noem is the perfect choice.