Satire

Report: Kamala Harris Bored as Senator, Misses Being Able to Lock People Up

Failed presidential candidate eyes role as nation's top cop

Sen. Kamala Harris (D., Calif.) is "frustrated by the bureaucracy" in Washington and pines for the authority she enjoyed as attorney general of California, according to the New York Times.

In other words, she misses being able to lock people up—for minor drug offenses, for truancy, and so on. The Times reported Monday that Harris "has mused to allies about missing the control afforded to her" as a chief prosecutor. As attorney general of California, for example, Harris shunned progressive concerns about "criminal justice reform" in favor of a ruthlessly aggressive approach to law enforcement.

That could make Harris a good match as Joe Biden's running mate or even attorney general, a position that would certainly give her the "control" she craves, as well as an unlimited capacity to lock people up. Choosing Harris as a running mate or attorney general would represent another victory for Biden's ongoing campaign to destroy everything the activist left pretends to care about, such as the #MeToo movement.

Like Harris, Biden has favored a ruthless approach to criminal justice. For example, he criticized former president George H. W. Bush for not doing enough to keep "violent thugs" off the streets and echoed Hillary Clinton's concerns about "predators." Biden even spoke highly of former president Richard Nixon's "law and order" platform, complaining that Democrats were too soft on crime and expressing his desire to "lock the SOBs up."

Not that Harris is openly campaigning for a role in the Biden administration. That's why all her allies agreed to speak anonymously to a Times reporter—to explain why publicly advocating for a prominent position just isn't Kamala's style. She's like failed gubernatorial candidate Stacey Abrams but without all the thirst.

Harris is probably really embarrassed about the anonymous "political figure" who accidentally told the Times the details of a "candid conversation" with her—that she would "consider the role of attorney general" if not selected as vice president.  Per the Times, Harris's team dissuaded celebrity activist Al Sharpton from publicly endorsing Abrams. But again, Harris isn't interested in political maneuvering. The Times spoke to "others" who insisted that "such political prognostication is not how Ms. Harris operates."

That's at least partially true. Early in her political career, Harris maneuvered to attain power via her influential boyfriend, Willie Brown, the former speaker of the California State Assembly and a 2019 Washington Free Beacon Man of the Year.