Pete Buttigieg, 38, could be forgiven for thinking he was the youngest, hottest white dude working his way up the Democratic Party ladder. Despite a weak résumé comprising a failed presidential campaign, a failed campaign for DNC chairman, and an eight-year tenure as mayor of Indiana's fourth-largest city, Buttigieg was recently nominated to head the U.S. Department of Transportation.
Media coverage of the Buttigieg nomination was predictably obsequious and hysterical. Most pundits assume he will run for president again and has a good chance of winning, despite having never won a statewide election, and despite his abysmal performance in 2020 among black voters—one of the most important segments of the Democratic base.
Recent Stories in Satire
Unfortunately for Mayor Pete, there's a younger, hotter white dude making his way to Washington, threatening his title as the Democratic Party's reigning baby-faced wunderkind.
Jon Ossoff finally won an election on Tuesday, defeating Sen. David Perdue (R., Ga.) in a hotly contested runoff. Ossoff, 33, is barely old enough to serve in the Senate and will be the youngest individual to do so since 1972, when Joe Biden was elected at the age of 29. He will only just be eligible to run for president in 2024, at which point Buttigieg will have already turned 40.
More than 2.2 million people voted for Ossoff in the Georgia runoff, which is more than twice the number of votes (924,289) that Buttigieg received in the Democratic presidential primary, and more than 250 times the number of votes he received during his second mayoral campaign in South Bend, Ind. It is safe to say that more black voters supported Ossoff in Georgia than will ever support Buttigieg at any point in his political career.
As far as political titles go, "Senator" is a relatively sexy one, whereas "Secretary of Transportation" is not. You'd have to be a pathetic nerd to be able to name a single person who has ever served in that post. Sorry Pete, but politics is cruel. There's always someone younger and hotter in the wings just waiting to replace you and claim the glory you so desperately crave. On the bright side, you're going to make a killing at your next consulting gig.