In this time of global crisis and economic uncertainty, both Democrats and Republicans have been seeking to exploit the China-caused pandemic in pursuit of partisan policy objectives. Shame on them!
The Washington Free Beacon, in partnership with the David Gergen Institute for Excellence in Bipartisan Ethics and Legislative Policy Solutions (DGIEBELPS), has engineered the following economic relief proposals to rescue the American economy from the ongoing Wuhan crisis. Congress should include them as part of any legislative effort to revive the economy in these perilous times.
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1) Tax Cuts Now: In an effort to provide much-needed relief for struggling hedge funds and other high-frequency traders, a permanent holiday on all capital gains taxes should be implemented immediately. In addition, back-dated subsidies should be considered for all who have suffered under the inheritance tax regime since it was wrongfully reinstituted in 2011.
2) Firearms for All: In addition to (or perhaps instead of) sending checks to all Americans, the government should consider providing complimentary firearms to all citizens, particularly the most vulnerable. As our local police forces become strained in the fight against looters and other petty criminals, regular citizens must be empowered. Firearms inequality will only be exacerbated by the crisis without strong federal action. Additionally, the Centers for Disease Control should issue new guidance on proper social distancing at gun shows. While we're at it, the so-called gun-show loophole must be opened—by executive action, if Congress fails to act.
3) Move the Embassy—Again: We don't know when Israeli scientists will develop a vaccine for coronavirus, but when they do, America must be ready to reward them. President Trump has already moved the U.S. embassy to Jerusalem. The State Department should begin developing plans to relocate the embassy once again, this time housing it in East Jerusalem. At a moment like this, it’s important to let our allies know whose side we're on.
4) War: We urge Congress to ask Senators Tom Cotton (R., Ark.) and Ted Cruz (R., Texas) to draft an emergency declaration of war against Iran, and to attach it as an amendment to the forthcoming Wuhan virus bailout bill. Some of our experts have questioned whether now is the moment to expend more money on an overseas military intervention. But a war would be no more expensive than the bailout of Boeing currently under consideration, and a war would at least give the American people a return on their investment. Why do you think FDR allowed the Japanese to attack Pearl Harbor? Also, the ayatollahs have had this coming for a long time.
5) Real Criminal Justice Reform: Our prisons are too crowded—they risk becoming a breeding ground for the Wuhan virus. President Trump should immediately pardon low-level criminals such as Mike Flynn, Roger Stone, George Papadopoulos, and Paul Manafort. Now is the time to restore the American people's faith in the federal government and reverse the damage done by the media-driven Russia collusion hoax. Trump should also appoint a blue-ribbon panel to determine the whereabouts of Hillary Clinton's private email server.
6) Repeal the Endangered Species Act: While the price of oil is now mercifully low for America's coal rollers, our fracking industry is in great danger. America needs to extract as much of its own fossil-fuel energy as it can, or our overloaded hospitals will not be able to turn on the lights. That's why we recommend a temporary suspension of the Endangered Species Act, as well as the permanent elimination of the Environmental Protection Agency. The president must authorize oil exploration studies in all of America's national parks and wildlife preserves. We have all the bald eagles we need. But we can never have too much oil.
7) End Tenure for Teachers and Professors: Schools and universities need workforce flexibility to account for the demands of distance learning. Classroom size can now be infinite, and if Congress uses its authority judiciously, we can eliminate all but one teacher—and eliminate the teachers' unions entirely. The bullies in Big Education need to take a seat, at least until we can find out what the hell is going on.
8) Health Care Justice: Moments of crisis require national cohesion. Accordingly, the American people shouldn't have been constantly triggered by a health care law named after a corrupt president who failed to produce a valid long-form birth certificate. This is why we propose formally changing the name of our existing health care regime from "Obamacare" to "Melaniacare."
9) Government Waste: Now is not the time to cut off the government spigot. But there are a few things the president can do to save a little money. Let's start by defunding the Corporation for Public Broadcasting and National Public Radio.
10) Election Security: One of the most efficient ways to contain the spread of the Wuhan virus would be to indefinitely postpone the 2020 election. President Trump has too many supporters who will gladly risk their lives to attend one of his legendary campaign rallies. Perhaps if the president wasn’t so popular, we could risk it. The American people didn't abandon FDR during World War II, and that's a precedent worth following. In any event, we can always revisit the idea of public elections as soon as China is no longer a world power.