Romney’s Exit Paves the Way for Hillary

She's now the only choice for voters pining for an old, white, out of touch, insanely wealthy, Wall Street loving candidate with a history of failure


Mitt Romney shocked the world—or rather, shocked the handful of people who obsessively follow politics—by toying with the idea of another presidential run. Then, on Friday, he proved a lot of eager pundits wrong by announcing that he wouldn’t run.

Romney’s decision to sit out 2016 is great news for Hillary Clinton, who is now the sole choice for voters in search of an old, out of touch, insanely wealthy, Wall Street-loving candidate with a history of failure.

A Romney-Clinton matchup would split this vital demographic, potentially paving the way for Joe Biden to run and win as an independent. Both have the ability to earn millions of dollars for doing very little actual work. Both own multiple mansions on prime real estate. Both routinely pal around with other wealthy, powerful people. Both have grandchildren—Romney 23, Clinton one. Both suffered humiliating defeats against Barack Obama. Both appear to want to bomb lots of different countries. Voters would have faced a difficult choice.

With Romney out of the running, voters who favor an out-of-touch candidate will find Clinton an even more compelling figure, given the fact that she is far less likely to have driven a car, pumped gas, flown coach, paid for something in cash, and used a broom or vacuum cleaner in the past decade. Her relative lack of grandchildren is outweighed by the fact that she charges public universities six times as much to hear her speak, and unlike Romney, doesn’t even stick around to answer questions from students.