Machine Guns, Ranked

They're all so good

During my recent trip to Machine Gun America I was able to fire a number of fully automatic assault rifles and one submachine gun. To say the least, it was incredible. Now it's time to rank them all.

Of course, this isn't easy to do. Ranking machine guns is a lot like ranking your children; you love them all so much. They each have their own special qualities and quirks. They each fill your heart with a slightly different kind of joy. How can you ever pick between them?

Well, here's my best shot.

4. MP5

I've shot a fully automatic MP5 once before. It was out in the woods of Virginia somewhere. Quite a different experience from Machine Gun America.

Anyway, the MP5 is a peppy little submachine gun that's heavy on the lead and light on the recoil. In my experience it tends to jam though. But, frankly, the time it takes to work through a few malfunctions is well worth the reward.

I actually still have the target I shot in the video. I'm planning on getting it framed.

3. M4

The M4 takes everything that's awesome about the AR-15—the endless customization options, the light weight, the accuracy, the recoil suppression, the iconic American design—and adds fully automatic 900-rounds-per-minute fire to the list.

2. AK-47

Despite its commie origins the AK-47 provides a hell of a shooting experience. It shoots a bigger round than the M4 and no recoil buffer so it's got a far greater kick. You can't help but be impressed by the gun's ferocity.

Plus, I got to shoot a target shirt with the AK. I think I'll frame that one too. Man, I really need to visit the frame store.

1. Short-Barreled M4 (Otherwise known as "The Little Ass Kicker")

This one is kind of self explanatory isn't it? I mean … wow.

Honorable mention: An AR-15 equipped with a Slide Fire stock.

This isn't actually a machine gun. Technically, the slide fire simply allows the shooter to make individual trigger pulls at an incredibly fast rate. But, since civilians can own a slide fire without a Class 3 FFL, this is probably the closest most Americans will come to fully automatic fire. And, as you can see, it ain't half bad.

I also shot this out in the woods of Virginia somewhere. Turns out the backwoods of Virginia are pretty great.