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Idris Elba Should NOT Be the Next Bond

Because he's too street? Nah. More like he's too male

• September 4, 2015 10:16 am

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The big dumb Internet fight this week revolved around the author of some recent James Bond books saying that Idris Elba is "too street" to play Bond. Obviously, this was deeply problematic.

But, honestly, I think the real problem here is that Elba himself is not nearly progressive enough a choice. Sure, a "black Bond" would be cool. But a truly liberated Hollywood would do the right thing and pick a female Bond.

Whoa, whoa, clam down. I know this is a radical proposition. But ladies can be special agents too. Allow me to suggest a few fantastic choices for Jamie Bond.

Keira Knightley

keira-knightley-true-detective

Pros: She's shown off her action chops in films like Pirates of the Caribbean; won't have to fake an English accent.

Cons: Jaw might get distracting, though high level of pointiness could make it a sneaky weapon in a fight.

Emily Blunt

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Pros: She's pretty much perfect in every way.

Cons: See pros.

Kate Beckinsale

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Pros: Seem fairly obvious to me.

Cons: I dunno, maybe not the best actress but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

Kelly Brook

TGIFs Kelly Brook bday 12

Pros: A dark horse candidate, the star of Piranha 3D and One Big Happy would bring a certain vibrancy to the role of James Bond.

Cons: Inexperienced, medium talent. Of course, this didn't stop George Lazenby, whose only credit prior to taking on the role of Bond was on General Hospital. As a result, the only objections to Kelly Brook are rooted in the basest of sexism.

Gal Gadot

Gal Gadot

Pros: First Israeli Bond!

Cons: May be tied up with Wonder Woman for the time being.

Scarlett Johansson

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Pros: Has shown off physical chops in films such as The Avengers and Lucy; equally good with action and comedy.

Cons: American accent could be a problem.

Jennifer Lawrence

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Pros: Brings a sultry side to Bond; it's not all about punching and kicking, you know.

Cons: sorry too busy looking at that gif to come up with one ask me later maybe

Sofia Vergara

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Pros: A two-fer (first female Bond and first non-white Bond).

Cons: Accent, though sexy as noted in the gif above, can sometimes make understanding her a bit hard. Might make a better villain tbh.

IMPORTANT UPDATE

My friend Brian Faughnan noted an important omission on Twitter.

Kate Upton

Kate Upton

Pros: Experience in zero-g will ready her for Moonraker-style actionBest new actress of 2014.

Cons: So all-American that she may not be able to sublimate her Americanness. I mean, can this person really pull off a Brit?

rsvlts.com

rsvlts.com

 

I'm not so sure.

Published under: Kate Upton