Hillary Clinton: Running for President, One Tweet at a Time

"Pls delete."

Hillary Clinton has been so reclusive of late that some experts have compared her to an ailing third world dictator. Clinton’s aversion to the public spotlight comes as no surprise, given her poor political skills and tendency to make statements that most normal Americans find offensive and out of touch. In recent days, Clinton has been campaigning for president almost exclusively via Twitter, using cautiously worded gibberish that appears to have been "focus grouped down to the hashtag."

The reporters who cover her, meanwhile, have given Clinton every reason to believe that her 140-character campaign strategy will continue to be effective, by lapping up everything that pops up on her Twitter feed. For example, her most recent tweet—the one about vaccines and being a grandmother—inspired a 1,000-word think piece from THE POLITICO, which includes interviews with Democratic strategists regarding the political efficacy of Hillary "embracing her inner grandma."

Here's how the strategy is designed to work. Hillary tweets:

The press reports:

Repeat until elected president.

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(Note: Some of these tweets may be fake.)