Politics

5 Reasons Why Joe Biden Would Make a Fantastic President

AP

The Joe Biden presidential campaign has, for all intents and purposes, already begun. With President Obama having abdicated his Veterans Day duties in order to attend a dictator summit in Communist China, Biden stepped up to the plate on Tuesday by laying a wreath at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier in Arlington National Cemetery.

Because the 2014 midterms were terrible for potential Biden challenger Hillary Clinton, and because the chances of President Obama resigning before the new GOP-controlled Senate takes office in January are high, the veep is strongly positioned to lead the Democratic Party into the future.

Here are the top 5 reasons why Joe Biden would make a fantastic president:

1. He’s not Obama

Barack Obama, Joe Biden

Joe Biden is not Obama, so it's not like he could do any worse as president. Their personalities couldn't be any more different. Obama is an academic smartypants; Biden is an Average Joe who is far more comfortable in a go-kart than he is in a lecture hall. He'd rather hold a squirt gun than a history book.

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Whereas Obama is aloof and anti-social, Biden loves to be the center of attention. The veep isn't afraid to get in there and mix things up, and doesn't care about making a "gaffe" or dropping an F-bomb on live television. He has a proven track record of working across the aisle.

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Obama prevaricates and surrenders in the face of tyranny; America's adversaries don't respect him. Biden wouldn't have this problem because he is universally loved. Plus, there's always the chance he might suffer a manic episode and launch all of our nukes at them.

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He knows how to deal with people who cross red lines.

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2. He’s a lot like George W. Bush

George W. Bush, Joe Biden

There are many similarities between Biden and George W. Bush, America's Greatest Living President. Both are gregarious jokesters who prefer Austin Powers to Jane Austen. They don't need TelePrompTers; they speak from the gut. They're not nerds. Nerds make terrible presidents.

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3. Age = wisdom

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Whereas Hillary Clinton's advanced age is a serious liability, Biden's septuagenarian status (he'll be 74 in 2016) is evidence of profound wisdom. But not in a "book smart" kind of way. Biden has been on this Earth long enough to discover many of the unwritten secrets of the human realm. That knowledge will serve him well in the White House.

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4. He cares about people like you

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Joe Biden cares about everyone, specifically you. He doesn't care if you agree with him politically or not. Consider this heartfelt email he sent a Free Beacon writer shortly after the midterm elections:

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He even cares about babies.

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He really does.

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5. Ladies love him

Young and old, he loves them all; and they love him back.

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And guess what? Guys love him too.

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Joseph Biden, Chris Pomes

Are you ready?

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