Welcome to another installment of the Washington Free Beacon's exclusive Q&A series featuring lighthearted interviews with politicians and other newsmakers. No gotcha questions. Just good, old-fashioned icebreakers to keep things fun.
This week's guest is Abdul El-Sayed, a.k.a. "Dr. Dad Bod," the Democrat running for U.S. Senate in Michigan. The following transcript of our conversation has been lightly edited for length, clarity, and vibes.
Enjoy!
What's up, Doc?
Hey, how are you today?
Great.
Are you?
Sure, more or less. How are you?
I'm great.
Because you don't seem—
OK, let me ask you a simple question.
I was gonna say, you don't seem great. You're a little—
So you're insinuating that I was lying?
Let's just get on with the icebreakers, shall we?
No, no, no. I've been extremely clear about this. Now, answer my question.
You didn't ask a question.
Because you interrupted me and called me little.
That's not what I—
I'm 5-foot-9-and-a-half, OK?
We'll get to that. I don't want to skip ahead.
Almost 5-foot-10 in Air Force Ones. Above average.
OK, fine. Can we—
No, no, no. Do you know what average means?
Yes.
So you think it's OK to call me a liar? Yet you're the one who lied about my height.
Like I said, I was gonna save the height and weight questions for the lightning round, but—
Irrelevant questions. You want to talk about gas prices? Groceries?
No, not really. We try to keep things light.
You're off to a great start, my guy. If you want, we could take this down to the gym. Push-ups. Squats. You name it.
Cool. Let's start with an easy one.
(Mocking, singsong voice) Let's start with an easy one.
What is your name?
Are you for real right now?
Name?
F— you.
What?
Why are you asking the question?
We can skip it.
No, no, no, no. Why would you ask that?
Astrological sign?
We all know the answer. You're asking the question because, implicitly, you assume that because I am Muslim, my name is Abdul, I have a beard on my face—
Well, sort of.
Now you're questioning my faith? No, no, no. Let me ask you something.
I don't know if I'd call that a beard.
Have you ever heard of the Constitution of the United States?
The document? Sure.
It's in the Constitution, my guy.
Hasan Piker has a beard. That's just—
I have the right to live by my faith, and you have the right to do the same.
He's a streamer from California.
What do you bench? Like 135?
Let's circle back to astrology. Pancakes or waffles?
No, no, no. You are literally dumber than a woman.
What's your go-to karaoke song?
No, no, no, no, no, no. Hold on. You should read history.
Batman or Superman?
I'm not gonna answer that.
Which one is a bigger threat?
That's a ridiculous hypothetical. Look, I'm focused on the actual issues that Michiganders face, like the Israeli government's ongoing genocide—
Hidden talent?
I'm just not interested in this dog and pony show.
Were you bullied in high school?
As I was saying, Thomas Jefferson, a.k.a. the Butcher of Barbary, wrote the Constitution in—
Wrote the Declaration of Independence.
No, no, no. Because you assume, because of my name, that I won't disavow the Muslim Brotherhood. Right?
I don't know.
Have you disavowed them?
Not recently, no.
Have you asked your own mother to disavow them?
She has Alzheimer's.
(Mocking, singsong voice) She has Alzheimer's. How convenient.
Would you rather—
No, no, no. I'm telling you right now, my dude. You can find me at the gym putting up 27-and-a-half pounds on single-arm skull crushers. No spot.
Hot dog fingers or pepperoni nipples?
You and me. Any time. Any place.
Where were you on 9/11?
Bro.
Let's skip that.
Ask smart questions, and I'll answer smart questions.
Dogs or cats?
[Sound of microphone being removed]
