Talk about a career climax.
Jeffrey Toobin, one of the world's most prominent masturbators, is coming to the New York Times as a contributing opinion columnist. It's another stroke of luck for the so-called legal analyst, who has managed to fully revive his career after being caught pleasuring himself during a Zoom meeting in October 2020.
The road to redemption has been hard and slightly curved for Toobin, who lost his job at the New Yorker after the infamous Zoom call, which featured employees of the esteemed magazine and WNYC radio taking part in an election simulation. "I made an embarrassingly stupid mistake, believing I was off-camera. I apologize to my wife, family, friends and co-workers," Toobin told Vice News at the time. "I believed I was not visible on Zoom. I thought no one on the Zoom call could see me. I thought I had muted the Zoom video."
CNN, where Toobin served as the network's premier legal analyst and abortion expert, did not fire the disgraced masturbator but granted his request for "some time off while he deals with a personal issue." Eight months later, Toobin made his triumphant return to CNN and attempted to defend himself during a cringe-inducing interview with Alisyn Camerota, who tried (unsuccessfully) to get Toobin to explain "what the hell" he was thinking. "I'm a flawed human being who makes mistakes," said Toobin, who denounced his firing from the New Yorker as "excessive," and claimed he was "trying to be a better person" by going to therapy and volunteering at food banks.
Toobin hung around at CNN for another year before announcing his departure in August 2022. That same year, he resumed publishing guest op-eds in the Times. In May 2023, he published a book about Timothy McVeigh and "the rise of right-wing extremism." In early 2024, Toobin started popping up again on CNN as a "guest" analyst, and he continues to make regular appearances on the network as if nothing happened.
Before getting caught red-handed on a Zoom call, Toobin was best known for having an extramarital affair with his co-worker's daughter, Casey Greenfield. After getting her pregnant, Toobin insisted he wasn't the father, refused to take a paternity test, and offered money to pay for an abortion. When Greenfield refused, Toobin told her "she was going to regret it" and "shouldn't expect any help from him," according to the New York Daily News.
Toobin's new gig at the Times was first reported by Dylan Byers, the former CNN reporter best known for exposing the Washington Free Beacon's financial ties to Donald Trump and for his previous role as unofficial public relations adviser to ABC News anchor George Stephanopoulos. Byers described Toobin as a "famed legal analyst," but did not elaborate. He originally reported that Toobin was joining the Times staff, which wasn't true.
The Times opinion section already boasts a stable of insightful commentators, including Jamelle Bouie and Lydia Polgreen, both of whom assessed that Joe Biden's disastrous (and career-ending) debate against Donald Trump in June 2024 was a tie.
Further reading: The Jeffrey Toobin Dick Slip Scandal, Explained in New Yorker Cartoons and CNN Chyrons