In October 2015, bearded reporter Dylan Byers broke news about the political activities of one of our employees, managing editor-digital Andrew Stiles. We immediately instructed our ombudsman, Biff Diddle, to thoroughly investigate the facts and circumstances surrounding Stiles's considerable donation to the Donald J. Trump presidential campaign, allegedly in exchange for hats.
Ombudsman Diddle, who could not be reached for comment, delivered his report to Washington Free Beacon headquarters on February 1, 2016. The report determined, conclusively in our view, that Stiles's actions constituted a serious violation of the Free Beacon employee ethics policy. As a result, we have decided to vacate the position of managing editor-digital, and to sever all ties with Stiles, effective immediately.
In the interest of transparency, we have attached Ombudsman Diddle's full report below. In the interest of national security, significant portions of the report have been redacted.
Published under: Satire